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"Can't Have It All "Written By: Dragonmistress_7 Disclaimer: I don't own the Gundam Wing Boys. Summary: A single night of comfort turns into
Relena's lifetime commitment to the children who came of it, but when
their father's identity comes out, it's hard to see where other important
people in their lives will fit into this strange picture, and if,
somehow, they can all become a family.
Can't Have It All Chapter 9 “Hey, Heero,” Duo said nervously, standing on the front steps. After Relena left, Heero had moved back into the house, having no reason to stay away. Duo was still bunking in the same room at Quatre’s. He didn’t feel too welcome at home, a situation he was hoping to rectify with this visit. The worst part about all of this, he’d decided that morning, was the nightmares. He dreamed he’d lost everything, his home, his friend, his lover, and his children. He didn’t want that nightmare to come true, so here he was, ready to grovel and beg and sleep on the doorstep, if necessary. Heero stared at him, trying to control the emotions that threatened to break free. The last time he had felt so lost was the day he’d asked Duo to stay with him forever, the day Duo had said it was time to move on. // “Well, Heero, I guess I’ve imposed long enough. I’ll be going now. Thanks for everything. I’ll call you when I find someplace to settle in.” A hand, of its own accord, touching his shoulder, caused him to turn back. “Duo, I- I’ll miss you. Don’t go. Stay with me, please?” “For how long? I don’t want to wear out my welcome,” Duo had replied lightly. “For the rest of your life,” Heero said, desperately pulling him into a fierce hug. // All of this passed through Heero’s mind as he and Duo stared at each other across the doorway. At last he stepped away and turned his back. Not the warmest invitation, but the door was still open so Duo stepped in and closed it afterward. “We need to talk,” he said, tugging absently on his braid. Heero recognized it for the nervous gesture it was, and had pity on him. He sat in a chair and gestured for Duo to sit on the couch. He did, and then they both waited. Duo knew enough about Heero to let him speak first. Since his lover had multiple wounds to heal, he let him decide which one to discuss first. “What, exactly, did you say? I’ve been trying to remember, but I can’t. How did you get around the truth without lying to me?” “The day she made the announcement, you looked at me and asked if I had known she was pregnant, and I told you I had no idea. That was true. Then you said, “I wonder whose they are,” and I almost told you then, but- well, I didn’t. I thought that you’d ask, eventually, but you never did.” “So you didn’t lie,” Heero pondered. “I told you once that I hated dishonesty, that I wasn’t sure I could forgive it easily.” “There is a difference between lying and dishonesty. I was dishonest, and I can only hope you can forgive me for that.” They were both silent again for a long time. “Tell me- tell me about that night. Relena said it was only once, before we were together, but- I want to know.” Duo sighed and scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “I guess I really got to know Relena at all of those peace parties we all went to. At first, it was simply that we had a common bond. She would moon over you, and I would sympathize, deeply. There was no resentment; it was like we were both idolizing the same movie star. It was okay that we both wanted you, because you were so…unattainable. Forgive me, but even you aren’t an inexhaustible subject, and there were a lot of parties. So, we started talking about other things. We became friends, and it was normal for me to stop by whenever the mood struck and whisk her away from all of her boring work to grab dinner, or go shopping, or just sit on her sofa and laugh at corny movies.” Duo paused, tearing up a little. “God, I don’t know what I’ll do if she can’t forgive me,” he said in a pain-filled voice. Heero waited silently for him to calm himself and continue. He knew that Relena meant a great deal to Duo, not just as the mother of his children, but as a friend. The way that friendship had come about was interesting and, at least to him, incredibly strange. “So, one afternoon she told me she was giving up. She said that she would rather have your friendship, that she didn’t want to make you uncomfortable every time she was around. She never presumed to try to tell me to do the same, but I felt like she was.” “Late that night, I was thinking about what she said, wondering what I should do, and in general feeling positively dreadful. Instead of sitting around and depressing myself even more, I went for a walk. Well, you know how far our old apartment is from here. As I walked by, I saw her light was out, and I- I thought about it. I was immediately disgusted with myself, but by then…well, the idea was there. So I told myself I would sneak in, wake her up, just as a joke. She’d laugh, or get pissed and tell me to leave, and that would be the end of it. Except that wasn’t what happened.” “She woke up, and looked at me with such- such pity. I hated her for it, just for that moment. Then she looked at me like she knew every thought that had ever crossed my mind, and she said, “Come on, then.” And then- and then- I hurt her, because I was hurting, because she forgave me before she was even wronged. God, Heero, but I wronged her, and I never even told her I’m sorry for it.” He drew a deep breath. “I wanted to say everything there was to say today, but I’ve already given myself a headache. Can- can I come back and talk to you again tomorrow?” “We’ll talk tomorrow,” Heero confirmed with a nod. He stood quickly and ducked into the bathroom. Duo decided to leave quietly then, avoid an awkward, or worse, no goodbye. But just as his hand closed on the doorknob, Heero reappeared and said “Wait.” Duo paused, and there was a feeling of déjà vu that washed over them both. //“Duo, I- I’ll miss you. Don’t go. Stay with me, please?”// Except that wouldn’t happen this time, because the circumstances were so very different. Heero gave an appraising look, and then sighed. “You can stay the night. I’ll bring some of your things to the guest room.” He held out his hand and dropped some little caplets into Duo’s. “For your headache.” Mentally he was cursing his weakness, the love that wouldn’t let his anger and hurt lash out at Duo. “This doesn’t mean anything. I may send you back to Quatre’s tomorrow.” And then, he was gone. Duo stared down at the pills. They weren’t the
brand he typically used. He popped them in his mouth. At this point,
he’d take what he could get. ~ * ~ |
