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"Trowa's Secret"Written By: Emerald Pillow Pairings: 1+3 Warnings: Yaoi;Langauage, death fic. Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, you can try
to sue me, but all you'll get is a cat with a half mask like Trowa
(But, her name is Duo...) Comments: It's from Trowa's POV and the story
is about a little secret that he's been hiding from Heero...I hope
you enjoy. Rating: NC 17 Trowa's Secret Part 3 It was another hour before either Heero or myself had
a class. Usually on nice days like this, we would go to the football
field, lay in the grass and stare at the clouds. It was then that
we talked about whatever was bugging us at the time. Rather it be
our pass lives as soldiers, our present ones as collage students,
or stupid shit like the shape of the clouds that day. As long as it
was with him, we could talk about the definition of string and I'd
still be glad to be there. Heero was already waiting as I arrived. It seems that
I've been making him do that a lot lately. Not just in sex, but also
when we're to meet. I'm not exactly sure why all of a sudden I can't
seem to keep track of time. I walked over to my usual spot and laid
opposite him. "You're late." He wasn't angry. . .just informative.
"I lost track of time." "It's not like you." "I know." A small silence descended. I wanted
to tell him about the discussion between me and Wu Fei. I wanted to
tell him about the secret that I've been keeping from him. . .but
I couldn't. I stared at the clouds, racking my brain for something
to say. The silence between us was comfortable. . .it always was.
. .but I just wanted to hear him talk. At least that way I could get
my own mind off of everything. "You ever wonder what we would be like if we weren't
who we are?" I turned to look at him. It was a surprising topic,
but at least it was one. "I can't say I have, but if we weren't then we
wouldn't be together now." "You don't think we would have somehow found each
other if your parents were still alive and my father. . .was someone
different?" He still had problems dealing with what his father
had done to him. I could understand. How could a father turn his own
son into a weapon? It was just recently that I found out who I really
was. . .that my natural born name is Triton Bloom and that my parents
were dead. Though I used my real name for schooling purposes, all
the ex-pilots still call me Trowa; just as Heero is still called Heero,
despite the fact that his real name is Olden Lowe. "No. You would probably still be on L1 and more
likely than not, I never would have left Earth." His hand found
mine in the grass and our fingers intertwined. "You don't think we were destined to be together?"
He turned slightly and stared into my face. I know he must have seen
the sheer look of shock there. I've never heard him say such a thing.
He never believed in destiny before. He always claimed that people
live out their lives on decisions, and fate nor destiny had anything
to do with it. "Are you starting to believe in such things?"
"The more I think about it, the more I wonder if
there could be some truth to the ideal." He looked back up at
the clouds and continued to explain. "Perhaps everyone's life
is preordained. I still believe that people live by their decisions,
but what if whatever decision the person makes is already laid out
before them?" If what Heero had just said held any truth, then
what's going to be the outcome of my not telling him? Will he end
up leaving me once he finds out the truth? Maybe he already knows
and this was his way of trying to get me to confess. Wu Fei was right.
Heero was subject to detail, which was why I couldn't understand why
he didn't seem to notice the change in my actions or even appearance
for that matter. "Heero. . ." I pulled my hand free and sat up straight. He did the same, looking at me with his worried eyes. "There's something I want. . .I need to tell you."
At that instant I remembered. I didn't mean to, and I tried to push
away the thoughts; but they were too strong and too determined to
remind me why I should stay silent. I bowed my head in shame as I
remembered Quatre. Remembered how much I had hurt him, and what I've
cost him. I couldn't blame him if he hated me for the rest of his
natural life. I dug my fingers into the grass, trying to think of
the right words to say, but they didn't seem to want to place themselves
on my tongue. I needed to tell him. It would be better if he knew
the truth and leave me instead of him learning from someone else and
hating me for lying to him. Either way I stood a fifty-fifty chance
of losing him. At that moment, he placed his hand over mine, and cupped
the side of my face with his other hand. His touch was so soft and
gentle that even I sometimes forget that he was once a killer. "I can see this is hard for you to say. If you're
not comfortable with telling me yet. . .then don't. I don't want you
to feel that I'm pressuring you." "But. . ." He pulled me into his arms and kissed me tenderly, and in that kiss I forgot everything. Forgot about Quatre and how I had hurt him. Forgot the war and what I was. The world seem to melt away like it always did when we kissed. The only thing that existed were the two of us. He tried to pull away, but I wanted to continue. I wanted to stay in this state for just a little longer. Even if it was for a few seconds, it would be worth it for me. Unfortunately, the kiss ended, and I rested against his chest. I could feel his fingers running through my hair as I listened to his heart beating. Damnit! Why did my life have to be so fucked up that when I finally found true happiness. . .I couldn't even really experience it? ~ * ~ Chapter
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