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"Warheads"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Post War, angst, fluff, psychological
issues, lemon Pairings: 2x1 Summary: Duo and Heero try to become more than comrades in their attempt to be normal young men. They settle down but find that peacetime is difficult to adjust to and with only each other to rely on, it is a struggle, especially for Heero. Author's note: A reviewer, Nikki, pointed out
that Sookie Shaw is a character on True Blood. I don't even know the
series so I'm way freaked out by the coincidence, but just so everyone
knows: they are not the same and I so totally, completely apologize
for obviously coming up with the least original name and character
ever... Really freaky though, makes me rethink that new movie, Inception.
" Warheads "
I woke three hours after going to bed. I could still taste the cake in my mouth. I glanced to my side, at the clock that was on my half of our shared night stand. As usual, it was four thirty in the morning. An inner working never failed to wake me at this hour, after which my body refused more sleep. I had learned early on that there was no reason to fight this reaction, I just had to get out of bed and hope I would make it through the day. Because of my early morning ritual I normally would have gone to bed at an hour closer to eleven pm than one thirty am, but some things were more important than sleep. I looked at one of those said "things", Heero, still quietly sleeping in his bed. As I watched him I was hit with the realization he might be the only other thing. He came in first place for me. And second and third. Things like sleep and food and water didn't even make it to the top ten, which was all: Heero. Heero. Heero. My feelings were starting to border on obsessions, but I had no reference to compare it with. No measure to judge what was healthy and what was not. Sitting upright in bed, with my legs thrown over the side, I looked around myself for a while, waiting for my body to regain it's energy, for my mind to fully wake up and for my eyes to stop burning with sleep. I dressed quickly and in the pouring rain, without an umbrella, made my way over to the little bakery. I knocked on the glass pane of the front door, pressing my nose to it to peer through. Through the raindrops rolling down I saw a figure wave and then bring my presence to the attention to another figure, who quickly made it's way towards me. The door opened with the ring of a store bell. "Duo!" The elderly lady exclaimed, pulling me inside by my sweatshirt. "You are getting soaked out there! You could get yourself ill." I shrugged. With "Ill" she meant a cold and I knew that having a cold wasn't truly being ill. I survived the streets of L2 with colds, I fought wars with colds... I could certainly go to school with a cold. I looked at her sweet face and curly white hair. She asked me if I wanted something to drink, to warm myself up, but I declined with a polite "No, thank you, ma'am". Then I was handed the cardboard box with two bagels. "You are such a good boy." She told me. I didn't say anything. She had called me a "good boy" from the start, but never learned the truth about me. If she did, she would think twice about calling me that. America's preoccupation with it's own reformation during the first war worked in my advantage. The news report of my capture, blatantly showing my face, wasn't broadcasted here. I gratefully accepted breakfast, by way of habit offered to pay, to which she said: "No! Don't be ridiculous!" Then I left, back through the rain, but I was already wet, so it didn't matter anymore. Heero was still sleeping soundly when I got back. I peeled the cold wet clothes off my body and snuck into our bedroom for a fresh set and through to our bathroom to towel dry my hair and quickly change into the clothes as my body started to shiver. Fully dressed, I snuck back out to the kitchen and generously smeared peanut butter on my bagel and then butter and a slice of cheese on Heero's. With my bagel and a cup of coffee I took my position by the bay window of our living room, alternating sips and bites watching the rain clouds pass by and clear the skies for the sun. At a quarter past six - later than usual - the bedroom door opened and Heero stepped out, fully dressed and freshly shower. He normally showered in the evening, taking little time to soap up his body and wash his hair. Though it's only a ten minute process for him - whereas it takes me at least thirty minutes, including drying my hair - I hadn't given him the opportunity to shower last night. "Good morning." Heero hn'd his reply. He went straight to the coffee machine to pour himself a cup - I always made enough for the two of us - he downed it swiftly, then he reached out to the plate set out on the dinner table. He held the bagel between his teeth as he filled one hand with his keys and a jacket and needed the other to open the front door. "Bye!" I called after him. The door was shut. I flinched at the sound, in spite of the fact that it was soft, barely audible, as everything Heero does. I sighed but I wasn't defeated. Last night had given me hope, I had gotten through to him, in a shorter amount of time than I had initially expected. It's been only two months after all. I was happy with his slow progress, God knew I wasn't speeding away from him in my own quest to be a "regular guy". I decided to skip P.E to get two more hours of sleep, catching up on what I hadn't gotten last night, then I also showered, put on the same set of clothes that I briefly wore before and went out to school. In the schoolyard I had another uncomfortable encounter with my outspoken friend. Sookie approached me out of no where, magically appearing at my side and taking hold of my arm, but I knew she must have walked over from the gym, across the yard. Without any greeting of any form she yelled, close to my ear: "Duo, you are the man!" I eyed her suspiciously, wondering what she had been up to. "Remember when I told everyone last week that ya looked into the locker room?" "Told?" I blurted. "Lied, you mean!" She waved it off. "Yeah yeah, anyway, ya should have been there this morning! I swear, normally, these girls don't put on their make-up and do their hair 'till after P.E, but this morning the locker room looked like a play-boy photo shoot! There was lingerie and fake eye lashes everywhere!" I frowned, I don't think I was following her. "Why?" and soon added "Ow!" As she smacked me on top of my head. "Silly, because they thought you'd be peeking in again!" I groaned my dismay. Everyone now apparently thought that I was a total pervert, so much for blending in. "Duo, ya don't get it, do ya? They are like in love with ya!" She outstretched one of her long, darkly tanned arms to a group of girls by the main entrance of the school. As they saw her point, they all looked away and in spite of the distance we could hear them giggle. "Yer a rockstar." She said, breaking away from me and heading towards one of the side entrances of the school. "See ya in English!" She yelled and then jogged off. I went through the main entrance, passing the group of girl. They were all staring at me and whispering amongst themselves. Oh God, I thought. I was extremely uncomfortable with the attention. I was used to some girls taking a liking to me, it had happened before, mostly caused by the novelty of a guy with a long braid. It usually wore off when one of the girl finally walked up to me with the courage to ask exactly why I kept it so long and was scared off by my warning tone as I would answer: "None of your business". Then all the girls would just think of me as some sort of psycho, whispering things in the hallway like: "That's why he always wears black...". I knew I just had to wait for one of them to come up to me and ask, but I dreaded that moment, because this situation wasn't like those times when I went undercover as a student. I didn't have the luxury of leaving the school in a matter of days. I would still be here for over a year and during that time I would have to live with the whispers. I hurried inside and up a flight of stairs to the biology lab, just in time for the bell. During a boring lecture of the teacher on microscopic life it was happening again. The incessant thinking about Heero. What's he doing? How's he doing? Who's he with? Who did he wish he was with? And finally, I wondered if he asked himself these things about me too. I shouldn't think stupid thoughts. When the bell announced lunch break, everyone quickly gathered their books and stormed out of the classroom, even the teacher was quick to leave. I was in no hurry, lunch break was sufficiently long and I wasn't all that excited about being in one room with so many people, making so much noise, it's a logistical nightmare in case of an emergency. I put my bag on the table and slid my books inside, neatly arranging them, evenly distributing the weight, organizing them according to size, the biggest one in the back because that would be most comfortable against my back. "You aren't hungry?" Surprised I looked up from where I had practically stuck my head in my schoolbag. I found myself staring at Aiden. I only knew her name because her reputation of the most popular girl in school preceded her. Sookie had a strong dislike for the girl, but I wondered if she ever gave her any reason to. We had biology, history, math and art class together, during all of which she seemed nice enough. Her perceived nicety was not the reason for her popularity though, that had more to do with the way her behind looked in that pair of tight, low riding jeans and how her breasts got all the boys attention in that revealing bellybutton shirt, covered only marginally with a caramel leather jacket. "Uh..." Yes, that was truly the smartest thing I could come up with at the moment. I was never much of a smooth-talker. She chuckled. "You're Duo, right?" I groaned inwardly. It seemed my reputation had preceded me as well. Albeit a fake reputation. "I didn't peek into the girl's locker room." I said honestly. She smiled at me, her red lips parting for white teeth. "I know. Sookie says a lot of stuff like that. Are you guys friends?" She seemed surprised at the notion. "Uh, yeah." "Why is your hair so long?" She asked out of the blue. I swallowed. This was it. I didn't want to alienate myself, so I went with: "Why is yours?" She smiled again at my answer. "No reason, I guess." She innocently twirled a few strands of her long black hair around her finger. I smiled back. "Same here." I stood up and flung my bag over my shoulder, only now noticing how tall she was, nearly as tall as I was. "Wanna sit with me at lunch?" "I usually sit with Sookie. But you could join us." She didn't like that idea. "No, that's fine. Maybe some other time. Bye." She stepped out of the classroom with a an exaggerated sway to her hips as she walked. "What was that all about?" I asked myself. In the cafeteria I met up with Sookie at "our table". As usual we were joined by more people, but it were never exactly the same individuals, always a slight change to the combination, but it didn't seem to matter to Sookie, who apparently knew everyone. I didn't tell her about my "close encounter" with Aiden Pippa. I say "close encounter" because that's what Sookie would say. She theorizes all popular girls are from outer space, by which she means other planets, not the colonies. The childish concept of all popular girls being aliens confused me, Sookie certainly didn't seem unpopular herself, she had people surrounding her all the time, including that one recurring guy with his football jacket. I didn't tell her because I didn't want to get myself in the middle of what seemed like a typical girl feud with a lot of history. During the entire two months that I've been here, as far as I knew, Sookie and Aiden didn't even pass each other in the hallway, yet they managed to hate each other. I wasn't going to inject myself into that. My knowledge of and experience with girl wasn't adequate, by far, to handle the situation should it get out of a control - like a full blown catfight. I didn't know if things like that actually occurred or if that's just a theme of choice for many American made high school movies. I didn't want to know. After school I had dinner alone, when the clock struck eight and Heero still hadn't gotten home. I made myself comfortable on the couch and turned the TV on. I didn't realized I had fallen asleep till I was awoken by three high tones. I cracked my eyes slightly open and peered through my eyelashes. I saw Heero open the microwave door before it could beep a fourth time. "I tried not to wake you." He said - strangely unapologetically - as he must have felt my gaze on him. I closed my eyes and stretched my limbs, groaning as some joints popped free of their immobilized state. "It's fine. Time to wake up anyway, or I would have been up all night." When I opened my eyes again I saw him sitting at the dinner table by himself and I immediately rose to join him. I just went to quietly sit by his side, doing nothing but watching him eat the dinner I had prepared for him hours earlier and had placed in the microwave. "How was work?" I asked as we started on the dishes together. The ones from last night I had already cleaned, as well as the pans and my own plate. "Anything juicy?" I joked. Heero washed and I dried. "You're not authorized." He dutifully informed. "I know... I didn't mean work work, I meant... you know... work..." I wasn't even making sense to myself, so how could I expect Heero to understand? He didn't, he asked me about the difference between the two, the frown in his forehead indicating that he really wanted to know, contrary to the questions he asked when his face was neutral. Then he would just be asking because in the back of his head, a dying voice somewhere told him it is polite to show interest, but through all the filters set up by the soldier, it came out of his mouth sounding far from the intentions the tiny voice had had. "Well, work work is what you are actually getting paid for to do... The hacking is the work work. The work is just... being there and how you felt and who you talked with." I looked at him and realized I had lost him at "felt". Not willing to admit confusion - and consequently: defeat - he nodded, pretending to understand. But his silence revealed the truth. He still couldn't tell me how work had been, because he didn't understand yet. He also didn't understand that now it would be polite to ask me about my day. The tiny voice was muffled, inaudible. I know you so well, I secretly said, looking at him, but I don't know know you. I don't know where you've been and I don't know why you think the way that you think. It was frustrating. Sometimes I could read his struggles through his eyes so well, like nothing separated me and him but a pane of glass and sometimes it was like the shutters were drawn and all I saw were vertical shadows obscuring a truth he didn't want me to see. "This girl talked to me today..." I started. "Girl?" I playfully punched him against the shoulder, to which he did not respond. "Yeah, you know, the humans with the complementing parts." "I know what a girl is." He muttered in quiet defense, making me smile. "Aiden Pippa." I continued. "She is like the queen at school." When he frowned I knew I shouldn't have used a metaphor. "Not really a queen." I explained. "Not a "queen queen", but really popular, so in school circles that sort of makes her a queen." He nodded, handing me the last dish and then drained the sink. My hands worked quickly to towel dry the plate as my mouth worked equally hard describing the awkward situation I had found myself in with Aiden after biology. "... and she was wearing those low riding jeans, you know, the kind when someone bends over you can uh... see the moon?" "See the moon?" His voice sounded as surprised as you could expect the perfect soldier to let it. I laughed. "Forget it. I'm just saying that she's really attractive and certainly dresses to punctuate that and it sort of felt like she was flirting with me. With me!" I repeated, as if that would make Heero understand the gravity of it. "She asked me why I kept my hair so long-" "Did you tell her?" I was startled by his interruption. "Uh... no, no, of course I didn't. Anyway-" "Why do you keep your hair so long?" He interrupted again, his forehead wrinkled. He really wanted to know. That came as quite shock to me. "Uh... well... because it looks hot." In spite of his social "retardation" he knew I was lying to him. He didn't call me on it, but the shutters opened and his eyes let me know that he knew, but that he didn't understand why. "Okay, I'll tell you." "Why? You don't have to." I shook my head. "No, actually I do. Because you are my friend." I smiled and stepped closer to him. "My friend friend." He waited, not acknowledging the sentiment. "It's uh... It's an idea that stems from a long time ago. Control. When I was living on the streets," I swallowed heavily, "there wasn't anything I had control over. I couldn't control what I ate each day, I couldn't control what I said, not even what I did, or what other did - stupid stuff - ... and I couldn't control sickness and subsequently I couldn't control death and then people started dying. Friends. After watching them die, all but one, we both became obsessed with control and we wanted to control everything." All the time, as I told, I looked him in the eye, to gauge his reaction. "But God showed us that we couldn't, by taking it all away again and taking my last friend. After that, I realized there was only one thing I could truly control," I reached my hand around to the back of my neck and grabbed my braid at the base, pulling it over my shoulder, "Once I had gotten that idea into my head, it just stuck. Now my braid just serves as a reminder, like those bolts." I nodded over my shoulder to the two bolts, side by side, balanced on their heads on the TV furniture. Heero followed my nod and looked at them. He still hadn't gotten the concepts of the two bolts, so I'm sure he wouldn't get this. A long braid was just too impractical, it was the opposite of rule 2: "be inconspicuous". "Thank you for telling me." He finally said, after thinking about it for a long time. "You're welcome." I had hoped we could turn the moment into an exchange, but he wasn't willing to volunteer any information about himself. After standing in the kitchen together for a while, the soldier inside told him to extract himself from the awkward situation, so he did. No order of the soldier went unheeded. I mindlessly fingered the surface of the table for a few minutes, drawing unimaginative patterns. When I heard our closet door open I realized he was going to bed, so I followed him into our bedroom. I walked in right as he was taking off his button-up shirt, maneuvering past him on the narrow floor space. "Sorry." I said as I lightly brushed against him. I lowered myself onto my bed and this time didn't avert my eyes as he undressed further, unbuckling his belt and letting gravity take the fine fabric of his pants down. After that, he took off his underwear. He was turned away from me, so I couldn't see his most private parts, but he did not position himself like that intentionally. I had seen all of his body on countless occasions. I remembered a particularly uncomfortable one, when I tended to a wound that was high on his inner thigh. Naked as the day he was born, after carefully folding his uniform over the foot board of his bed, he walked into the bathroom. He let the door open, but closed the shower curtain. Normally he was the one having difficulty understanding the things I did, this time, I was the one who didn't understand. Maybe it was a way of preserving his modesty and still leaving a quick escape route unbarricaded? But why would someone who felt comfortable enough with his own body to undress in front of someone else, not just leave the curtain open? I was just wondering, it wasn't like it's was something I absolutely wanted to see, I just wanted to know why he did that. Knowing Heero, he would have a very good, very efficient reason. After also drying his body and hair behind the privacy of the curtain he stepped out and put on his clothes. His skin was still damp so the fabric of my Tampa high T-shirt immediately clung to his frame, accentuating the perfection of his toned body. His black boxer briefs left nearly as little to the imagination as the plain sight of his naked body did. "That's my shirt." I suddenly stated, for no reason whatsoever. He looked at me dryly, if it had been anyone other than Heero, he might be thinking what a Captain Obvious I am, but it wasn't anyone other, so he asked a neutral question in response to my outburst. "Do you mind?" "No." I really didn't mind, I guess I just wanted to know what he thought about it. Was it just another pragmatic solution to the problem of impractically shared closet space? Or did he like wearing my clothes? I shook my head. Why did I even go there? I asked myself. I shouldn't bother myself with the idea that he has some sort of misplaced man-crush on me... It was stupid. "Okay." He got into bed, putting a lot of attention into arranging the covers over his body, his hands smoothing most of the folds and wrinkles. I got up to the closet and opened the door, which shielded me from Heero's eyes. In that little space behind the door I changed into a fresh pair of underwear and a clean night shirt. I wasn't displeased with my own body, I just felt uncomfortable getting dressed in Heero's sight, because he sometimes found reasons to stare as he does not understand it is rude to do so. It was uncanny, to have those intense eyes on me when I was so vulnerable, undressed. I closed the closet door and got into my own bed. "Ready?" I asked, holding my fingers up to the light switch. "Hn." Was his short affirmation. I flicked the switch and instantly the room went dark. I turned around in my bed a few times before deciding to lie on my back. When I looked over I saw Heero was also lying on his bed and I could see the glint of his open eyes. I raised myself on my elbows. "Heero?" "Hn?" "You okay?" I asked because normally he would immediately turn towards the wall and promptly fall asleep. "Yes." I settled back, lying my heavy head on the pillow. "I was just thinking," He suddenly continued. I looked over and saw him frown at his own words. "Yeah?" I gently encouraged. After more time had passed he finally asked: "Do you mind?" "That you are wearing my shirt?" "Yes." "No. I don't." I kept looking at him, studying the thoughtful look on his face. It was a subtle expression, not like most people's when they were going over a real head-cracker. His eyebrows drew closer to each other by just a little, creating a barely perceivable fold in the middle - I actually couldn't see this in the dark, but I knew his face and it's expressions well - and there was a tightness in his upper lip, narrowing it a little. "Is it another "friend friend" thing?" My heart fluttered and the feeling made me smile. "Yeah." My answer satisfied him. He nodded curtly and then he
turned to face the wall, distancing himself from me, after we momentarily
got a little closer to understanding each other.
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