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"Brothers"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU, Get together fic, sap, angst, fluff,
citrus Pairings: 2x1 Summary: After the death of his mother, Duo is forced to live with his estranged father. The new family seems perfect at first, but the truth is entirely different and will be revealed as Duo starts to get feelings for his "brother".
"Brothers " Chapter 9 The next day we were seated in the car and were on our way back to the house. The minutes had been dragging as Cameron and Tabytha kissed everybody goodbye, while Heero and I lingered shyly – or disinterestedly – by the vehicle. We didn't say a thing. We hadn't said anything since the previous night. If possible, the atmosphere was even more uneasy than I've grown used to, yet I felt an alien connection to Heero. I suspected that since I had witnessed his weakness, his truth, his raw, exposed self, he didn't saw any point to maintaining the strict barriers with deceptive façade that I had been faced with prior. Sometimes when my gaze found his, I could see that the door was still ajar. I was still looking into that bathroom, looking at his frail form, so to speak. Whether he actually was less harsh or if that was just my self-imposed illusion because I pitied him more than ever, I didn't know. But I felt like he resented me less and trusted me more. I had kept his secret, which he may not have been expecting. I would never tell Cameron what I had seen. In a normal father-son-relationship such things might be shared, but it was as clear to me as ever that neither Cameron and I, nor Cameron and Heero, were privy to a normal father-son-relationship. I didn't know the details, part of me didn't want to know the details, but I knew enough to conclude that Cameron was the enemy. Our enemy. And Heero would have an ally in me, whether he recognized it or not. "Wasn't it a beautiful wedding?" Tabytha asked after an hour or so of silence in the car. Cameron looked over at her and reached out to touch her knee. "It was absolutely beautiful. You did a wonderful job, you made my sister so happy." "Thank you. I'm so glad." She looked over her shoulder at the backseat. "What about you boys? Did you enjoy the weekend?" I nodded my head slowly. "Did you like meeting everyone, Duo?" "It was… an eye-opener," I declared ambiguously. Misconstruing my response as positive she smiled at me. "Oh, good. And it was probably better for you too this time, right Heero? Now that there was someone there of your age?" Heero looked over at me. "Yeah."
I rolled my eyes. Evil definitely runs in the family, I thought bitingly. I wondered what their parents – my grandparents, for fuck's sake – had been like, for their children to grow up to be such assholes. In that moment it dawned on me that the patriarchal head of the family hadn't been present. I hadn't even noticed his absence, seeing as I was used to not having a grandfather, but despite my limited knowledge of wedding proceedings I was pretty sure he should have been there. Boldly, I made eye-contact with Cameron in the rear-view-mirror and inquired: "Why wasn't your father here?" A grimace tugged briefly at the corner of his mouth, but he forced his lips into a smile instead and joked: "He probably grew tired of walking my sister down the aisle. He has made some miles, walking her to the altar." Tabytha playfully smacked his arm. "Don't joke about your sister's failed marriages. You can't fault her for not being as lucky as we are." "But seriously, why wasn't he there?" I pressed. Cameron replied definitively: "He's a busy man, Duo." I made a face and looked out the window. His wife commented softly: "Sweety, don't be so stern. Duo just wanted to meet his grandfather." "Apparently he didn't want to meet me," I observed coldly. "Don't criticize my father for not making it to one, single event to meet you. It's your mother's fault your relatives are strangers to you now," Cameron snapped. "Excuse me?" He snorted. "Hauling you around the country like that…" "What was she supposed to do, after you split?" I demanded and frowned at Tabytha's confused and Cameron's insulted expression. "I 'split'?" He looked sideways at his wife incredulously, then back at me. "That's what she told you? That I'm the one who left?" "Honey, mind the traffic," Tabytha urged with veiled concern as she gazed up ahead at the road. "Yes, that's what she said. You left one day, out of the blue. She was so hurt and ashamed that she felt she had no other option but to run; get away from the house and your precious family." "I did not leave," Cameron claimed, his anger evident. "She was the one who left!" I scoffed at his accusation. "I came home one day and you were both gone, she had taken you!" He continued. "Honey, car. Car!" Tabytha interrupted. The vehicle swerved. "I saw the Goddamned car, Tabytha, I'm not blind!" I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "I don't believe you." "She lied to you." "I don't believe you," I repeated. "Are you calling me a liar, Duo?" Cameron's furious bellow vibrated in my chest. Heero shrank in his seat, practically pressing himself up against the door. "Are you calling my mother a liar?" I retorted. "Yes!" "Fuck you!" Tabytha yelped when her husband suddenly steered the car onto the grassy shoulder lining the highway and slammed on the breaks. My heart was pounding. My chest and shoulder hurt where the seatbelt cut into me at the sudden stop. I suddenly felt frightened when I heard the click of Cameron's seatbelt being released and the threw the car door open. "Cameron. Cameron." Tabytha's begging was pathetic and useless. My entire body went stiff when the tall, blond man ripped my door open and leaned forward into my personal space. I always bravely believed that I would never be afraid of him, that he would never manage to intimidate me, but I had never seen him like that; so utterly enraged. I feared him. I grunted when he grabbed onto the front of my shirt and pulled me out of my seat a little. "Say that again. To my face, this time," He seethed. I swallowed audibly at the implied threat. All I could do was shake my head. "No?" I shook my head again. "That's what I thought." He pushed me back into my seat forcefully and stared me down another moment or two before slamming the door shut and taking his seat behind the wheel again. "Jesus, Cameron," Exhaled Tabytha. He glared at her warningly and she didn't dare to say anything for the rest of the journey. The confrontation left me shaking and I hated that. I didn't think he would ever be able to get to me like that, like he would never have that kind of power over me, but he had lulled me into a false sense of security with his façade of self-control and politeness. The way he looked in that moment left no doubt that he would hurt me if he thought I had given him adequate reason to punish me physically. The memory of Heero's dark blood on his blanched skin alluded at the kind of misery Cameron was capable of eliciting and seeing my 'brother' so affected had effectively stripped me of my armor. Heero was a tough guy to break – I knew that, I felt that – but Cameron had succeeded in wrecking him and I was rendered frightened of how he had achieved that and how well my character would hold up under whatever kind of besiegement he enjoyed subjecting his adopted offspring to. When we arrived back at the house, someone must have flicked a switch. As soon as we stepped into the house, the game of pretend continued and Tabytha darted back and forth making arrangements for a special dinner as she suddenly exclaimed to be in a celebratory mood and Cameron placated her by letting her do whatever she wanted and sweetly replying 'yes, dear' to her every suggestion. I picked up my bag, slinging it over my shoulder and was about to head upstairs when my father called out my name, causing me to freeze. "Would you like me to carry that upstairs for you?" He offered graciously. "It looks heavy." "It's fine," I snapped back at him. His comment registered like a veiled insult. "I'm stronger than I look." He smirked. The asshole smirked. I felt cold and sick. I adjusted my grip on the bag and hurried up to my room. As I made my way up the steps I could feel his eyes were on me; he just stood in the hallway, watching me go. "Oh fuck," I whispered to myself when I was confident I was out of ear-shot. "What kind of house of horrors am I in?" We had an extravagant meal of excessive portions of overpriced foods –most of which weren't even to my liking – to the usual background noise of Tabytha talking incessantly. Probably solely for the purpose of drowning out the sharp sounds of our cutlery scraping across the fine china, particularly caused by me as I tensely cut my meal into bite-sized portions before prodding them back and forth along the plate and stabbing at the crunchy 'jacket' of my potatoes. My disinterest in the meal would be considered rude, but no one was paying attention to me. Cameron was too occupied pretending to be enthralled by Tabytha's repetitive, self-important story-telling and Heero just quietly and robotically chewed his food as he always did. It was unnerving. I stopped playing with my food and stared at the preposterous
scene; Cameron's pastel plaid shirt and khaki's and loafers, like
he was one of those ridiculously proper models from a Sears-catalogue;
Tabytha's formulaic outfit of a too-tight-dress and statement necklace
that seemed to be weighing down on her emaciated ribcage as she filled
the silence with meaningless words strung together into tiring stories,
sounding out of breath, her skinny arms gesturing like she was conducting
a grand symphony as opposed to recounting the experience of being
served the perfect skinny latte macchiato; Heero in his oversized
clothes, that made him seem both older – because the style was
so old-fashioned – and younger – because it dwarfed him
–, like a kid wearing his dad's clothes as an expression of adoration
and a desire to grow up to be just like him. I looked down at myself. After showering I had changed into my usual attire: boots, cargo pants and a T-shirt layered over a long sleeved shirt, with aggressive rock imagery on it; the only way I felt comfortable expressing my anger and sadness at having lost my mother, because it was the only way that didn't leave me feeling vulnerable. I always thought that was a remarkably unhealthy approach, but at least I felt it, at least it affected me. It scared me that they could act like that, like nothing was wrong, when clearly they were twisted as individuals and as a family unit. I didn't care too much about Tabytha, not at all for Cameron, but I worried about Heero – after all, was I not supposed to? Considering administrative papers exist that indicate we are brothers. I wanted to reach out and shake him awake. He shouldn't have to suffer like that – quietly and solitarily. It wasn't normal, but Cameron and Tabytha had taught him differently. I wondered who taught them. The next day, at school, I was once more rendered incapable of concentrating on the lessons on Spanish, Geography and home-economics. It was getting progressively worse. I ignored the attempts of my classmates to include me in the pre- and post-class fun they were having – discussing college football games and some celebrity who was making another comeback after the umpteenth stint in rehab. Normally I wasn't opposed to chatting along to keep the school body from turning against me, which I recognized would be a horror, but I was overwhelmed by how little I cared to involve myself in their superficial conversation. I left them slack-jawed as I promptly walked away at the ring of the lunch bell. All my life I had only ever cared about my mom, I had only ever really been interested in talking to her and being with her. She wasn't around anymore – that was a gross euphemism – and for whatever reason my fickle heart had decided on Heero; decided to care about him only, decided to only want to be with him. It was purely for selfish reasons though. He was the only person around whom I didn't feel so pathetically sorry for myself , because I pitied him more than I could ever pity myself. It was a relief. I found him on a staircase in an abandoned part of the building. 'His staircase', he had previously made clear to me. I casually announced my presence with a mumbled greeting and heavily sat down next to him, even being so bold as to clear away some of the papers and books that surrounded him so I could sit close to him. He stared at me like he was confused and offended by my actions. "What's up?" "What are you doing?" He shot back. "I made it clear last time that I didn't want you here." I shrugged. "Well, things are different now." He quirked an eyebrow. "Different? How?" "We're friends now," I declared unceremoniously and dug my packed lunch out of my bag. "I don't remember agreeing to that." "Tough." Rather than objecting – which I liberally took as a small victory – he suggested agitatedly: "Go sit with your other friends." "I don't have any other friends." This seemed to puzzle him. "But you're always talking to these people-" "I don't like people." He scrunched up his face. "I like you, though." His expression softened. "Why?" I took a bite from my sandwich. "Do you really want to know?" "I trust that the fact that I asked implies as much." "Because you are more fucked up than me." He scoffed. "You think I am more messed up than you?" "I didn't say 'mess'," I pointed out with a grin, "I said 'fuck'." "Either way you are wrong." He took a chemistry book in his lap and promptly started to read. I took another big bite from my lunch, realizing how hungry I was after not being able to swallow my breakfast as the odd, surreal atmosphere in the house was becoming more and more suppressing and suffocating to me. He looked up at me disdainfully. "You chew like a cow," He remarked matter-of-factly, before redirecting his gaze to complicated schematics on the pages before him. With a smirk I stuffed another bite into my mouth and chewed lazily. Heero didn't say anything. More importantly: Heero didn't ask me to leave. Emboldened by his tacit compliance to suffer my presence, I studied him, shamelessly memorizing his features and the way his bangs fell across them. The shine of his beauty was dulled by the ill-fitting clothes and the unseemly scowl that weighed his eyebrows, drawing them down, taking the light out of his eyes. But I had seen it that weekend. His beauty. His undeniable beauty. I had seen it in the dressing room of the store, I had seen it at breakfast when he voluntarily joined me and I had even seen in in the bathroom that night. I felt my face get a little hot when I realized Heero had diverted his gaze away from the book and directly at me. "How are you feeling?" His scowl reformed into a deeply confused frown. "What do you mean?" "I mean… After what happened Saturday night." "It was nothing." He actually seemed to believe that. "You were so weak you couldn't even stand long enough to get to bed." We had sat on the bathroom floor all night, Heero had passed out rather quickly after my arrival, but I had spent the night awake, disturbed, concerned and frightened, staring at his pale features that in that moment lacked the hardness of the mask he usually put on. I had noted he had looked like a little boy, like a vulnerable little boy. I wanted to help him, but I didn't really know how. I was nothing but a vulnerable little boy myself, after all, as hard as that was to admit – even silently to myself. "You didn't have to stay with me all night," He snapped. He had looked very bewildered when he came to in the dawn and noticed I was still there with him. "Not having been able to sleep in a bed is not what bothered me." "You shouldn't worry about me, you should worry about yourself. I've found a way to deal with it." "Yeah, but what's 'it'?" I demanded to know, pressing my luck. "If you don't know, than it doesn't matter." He started gathered up his belongings in anticipation of the nearing end to the lunch break. As Heero got up and started up the stairs, I called after him: "But it's bad, isn't it?" "It doesn't matter," He repeated and then disappeared around a corner, just as the bell rang. I chased after him, even though my classroom was at the other end of the building. "What do you want from me?" He shot over his shoulder as he hurried to his class. More students started to trickle into the halls. "Don't you think I have the right to know what's going on?" "No, it doesn't concern you." He slipped between the broad shoulders of two guys, disappearing into the growing crowd. I pushed my way through after him and spotted him waiting by a door, surrounded by groups of people chatting and texting and exchanging ringtones. He grumbled and rolled his eyes when he saw me approach him. "I have to know what's going on," I insisted. "Your mother didn't want you to know," He hissed in reply. "She took you away so you wouldn't know. That's what she thought was best for you, maybe you should respect that." I shook my head. "Cameron was the one who left," I whispered decidedly, hoping not to attract the attention of the other students. The teacher arrived and unlocked the door, herding his students inside. Heero only rolled his eyes at my assertion before heading into the classroom. "Young man," The elder teacher addressed me, "don't you have your own class to get to?" "Yeah. Right…" I fumbled and then sprinted away. But I didn't run to class. My feet carried me out of the building, onto the street, my bag beat against me with the heavy books as I raced, the strap cutting into my shoulder. I knew my mother hadn't wanted me to end up with Cameron after her death, but I always figured it was because she was still heartbroken over his sudden departure. What if she whispered in my ear to run, to stay away from him, not out of spite, but to protect me? Maybe Heero was right, maybe she would not have wanted me to know the truth and maybe I should honor that wish, but things didn't turn out the way she planned: I was with Cameron now and I had to know. I didn't want to be caught off guard by it. I didn't want to become like Heero. My mother wasn't around to protect me anymore, I had to protect myself. First I had to know what that meant, what I was up against. After a twenty minute jog that left me gasping for air – woefully out of shape growing up on take-out meals – I arrived at the train station and found my way back to the old payphones. I retrieved my day planner from my bag and rifled through it, looking for the pages of notes in the back where I had jotted down the number in case of emergency. Luckily I had some loose change in my otherwise empty wallet. I shoved the coins into the slot and dialed the number, holding the cumbersome phone to my ear. Every time the phone rang a waves of nerves crashed over me, drowning me in uncertainty. I was about to hang up, not being able to stand it much longer, when the call was answered. An older voice, sounding kind and familiar, crackled through the line. "Hello?" I swallowed the lump in my throat, it was painful because my mouth had gone dry. "Hello…" I started hesitantly, my previous sense of urgency diminishing. "Is this Ruby speaking?" "Yes," Was the rather mistrustful reply. "Who is this?" "It's Duo," I announced. It was silent at the other end of the line. Scratching the back of my neck I clarified sheepishly: "Helen's son?" "Jesus, Duo, of course I know who you are! Give an old woman time to catch her breath!" Ruby said excitedly. Her voice became emotional as she expressed: "It's so good to hear from you." I smiled. It was good to hear her voice as well, I was transported back to happier times with my mother, when 'Robby' came to visit. My mother loved her - revered her - she always lit up when Robby was with us, like everything would be okay, even though we all knew better than that. "How have you been doing, sweetheart?" She inquired sympathetically. Wiping away a lone tear I mumbled into the receiver: "Fine." "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry." "Mom said I should contact you if I ever had questions, about what happened." "Of course. Where are you? I live in Florida nowadays, if you can come over I can tell you anything you want to know. And you are welcome to stay with me as long as you like." "I'm not exactly in the area." "Are you still in Nevada?" She sounded concerned and she had every right to be, I didn't exactly live a life suitable for a teenager when I was still there, trying to make ends meet but ultimately failing to take care of myself. "No, I'm in New York." "New York?" "That's why I'm calling now, actually. For answers. Because I'm living with Cameron now." There was a long pause then a compelling appeal: "You shouldn't be with him, Duo. You have to leave that place." My heart started to race nervously. "Why?" "It's not safe," She declared, her voice stern. "It's true then. We didn't leave home because Cameron had abandoned him, mom took me away from him?" "Yes, sweety, and she had a very good reason to do so. Your father is a very dangerous man. He's violent and-" She stopped herself. "There is no point discussing this over the phone. I want you to leave that place right now, Duo." "Violent and what?" I insisted. She sighed. She explained vaguely: "There were a number of incidents… with young boys." "Incidents?" "Everything was swept under the rug by your father and grandfather, nothing ever stuck to your father, but your mother knew the accusations were true. She felt it in her gut. The boys were of your age. She knew she had to get you away from him, to keep you safe, before... Before he would start to see you 'that way'. The only way she knew how was to run, the police didn't take her seriously, the charges had been dropped after all, written off as vicious rumors..." An intense nausea hit me and I doubled over. "Oh my God…" "Duo, nothing happened, he never touched you-" For some reason I immediately thought about Heero. About the darkkness I had seen in his eyes. About his blood on his pale thighs. "He adopted Heero when he was eight years old," I ground out, clutching my churning stomach. "The fucker adopted him because he wanted to have sex with him!" "Duo, who is-" I hung up the phone and started to run again, but there was no way to run away from this knowledge, I wouldn't ever be able to escape it. 'It's the only way I can escape' I heard Heero say from a recent memory, his face pale as his red blood stained the white towel he was sitting on. I knew it. I suspected it. But I had refused to believe it. "What a motherfucker!" I screamed, chills all over my body even as I started to sweat from the physical exertion. I ran so fast I wasn't bothered long by the odd looks strangers on the street were giving me. I heard Cameron's sister – my aunt! – saying: 'There are plenty of normal kids he could have adopted. But Cameron just had to have him.' He wanted him. I stopped and turned to face the shrubs lining the pavement just as I couldn't hold it in any longer and I threw up, with horrible retching sounds. It dribbled down my chin along with snot and tears as I completely lost it. My father was a fucking monster. Who knows how many lives he ruined to satisfy his own perversions. But I wasn't going to let him ruin me, I wasn't about to sully my mother's efforts to keep me safe. I was going to leave. I couldn't worry about the fact that he might catch me through his connections. I had to try to get away. And Heero was coming with me. I picked up the front of my shirt, using it to wipe my face clean, before taking it off, leaving me in my white, long sleeved shirt. I discarded the soiled article of clothing and continued to run, back to the school. I took a seat on a bench on the schoolyard, hoping no teacher would pay any attention to me as I waited for the end of the school day. I didn't know where Heero was but I knew his final class of the day was Physics and I would meet up with him then. Before the bell would ring I made my way up to the third floor and loitered in the hallway, keeping away from the windows looking into the classrooms so the teachers wouldn't see me and grow suspicious of a student not in class. At the obnoxious ring of the bell students started pouring out of the classrooms, filling the corridors with bustling activity as they made their way to their final class. I strained my neck to look over the crowd, wanting to spot and catch up with Heero before he could slip into the classroom. I saw him round the corner after coming up the stairs and I pushed my way through the mass – earning some glares – to meet up with him. "Come with me," I said and I gestured back at the staircase. "Our classroom is right there," He pointed out indifferently. I grabbed his arm proclaimed: "You are coming with me." Heero struggled as I pulled him along. We turned some heads in the dissipating crowd as I pulled at him and Heero resisted, but no one intervened, they just turned to face their friends and started to gossip. "Where are we going?" He insisted as he more or less gave up on fighting me and allowed me to guide him by the arm down the stairs. "Away!" "Away?" He mirrored. We ended up outside by the bike stands. I didn't know why I figured we had to get his bike, unless we could somehow sell it to fund our escape, but that's where I brought him. The same bike stand where he casually told me about exchanging sexual favors with a former teacher to up his grade. The matter-of-fact tone he had used was all the more haunting since I knew the truth. 'I asked him if he had a condom, he stammered that he had one in his wallet, so I took it, put it on his dick and showed him I knew enough about sex to deserve better than an A-' Cameron had done that to him. Cameron had… taught him. I was still gripping his upper arm tightly, not knowing what to do, wishing I had some fool-proof plan to get us to safety. Heero's face contorted and he admitted pathetically: "You're hurting me." I let go of him instantly. I didn't want to hurt him. "I'm sorry." He rubbed his arm to soothe away the pain. "We're late for our class." "We're not going to class." "I am," He stated rigidly. "We can't fucking stay here!" Heero was thoroughly impervious. "What are you talking about?" "I know the truth!" I exclaimed as he was about to walk away. "I know everything everyone didn't want me to know. You… My mom…" I gestured dramatically. He narrowed his eyes at me. "You know nothing." "Cameron wasn't lying. He didn't leave. My mom always told me he had abandoned us but the truth is she took me away from him to protect me," My voice wavered, my lower lips quivered. He rolled his eyes at the display of emotion he was witness to. "I don't understand why you are making such a fuss." "Cameron is fucking you!" I screamed, desperately trying to get through the barrier of ice he used to shield himself. "He isn't!" Heero roared. "Not anymore!" I blinked. "How is that supposed to make it any better?" It seemed like Heero thought it did. But I didn't really believe it was all in the past, remembering the disoriented state in which Heero returned home from the 'fishing trip'. "I'm dealing with it! I have it under control!" "We are leaving," I reaffirmed. I reached for his hand but he pulled away before I could catch him. "I'm going to class," He seethed. "Heero, we can run away. We can get away from him," I tried. My heart was pounding anxiously as it started to dawn on me I wasn't getting through to him. "Where to?" "Does it matter? Anywhere has got be better, right? After what he has done to you?" He scoffed. "I'm not going to run away. Become some miserable homeless kid who has nothing, including no future. I lived that hand-to-mouth lifestyle before I was adopted. I'm not going back to that. Especially not now. Just one more year of this and I can go to any college, all expenses paid." My eyes were wide with consternation. "So you are just going to suffer living with a sexual predator because he's paying for your food and education?" "I grew up with nothing and I hated that!" Heero shrieked, overcome with sudden emotion. "I had to share everything with my siblings; clothes, a bed, too little food, even a toothbrush! I was always filthy and hungry and sick and stank of urine. I'd rather suffer Cameron than go through that again." I shook my head. "He's got you brainwashed-" "No! I choose this! I'm going to an Ivy League school, I'm going to make something of myself and I'm going to leave my past far behind. I've decided that that is worth the price I pay. Cameron is nothing but a stepping stone." I covered my mouth with my hand, shocked at his reasoning. "You are mistaken if you think you it is fair of Cameron to use you because you are using him." "Oh what do you know?" Heero bit viciously. "You think you know poverty because you lived in motels? You think you know pain because you lost your 'mommy'? If you knew real poverty and real pain you wouldn't mind the costs of what it took to avoid it. You are a petty boy, Duo. You are never going to grow up and realize things come at a price. You would rather use your mother's death as an excuse to waste your life and do nothing but feel sorry for yourself." Enraged by Heero's insults, I retaliated: "Maybe that's true! Maybe I will never amount to any resemblance of greatness. So what?" I challenged. "Maybe you will end up a renowned scientist or revered engineer and maybe I'll end up flipping burgers for a living, but at least I will still have a shot at achieving happiness. Whereas you will spend the rest of your empty, loveless life resenting yourself!" Heero composed himself, locking his emotions back inside. "Go. Run," He sneered, "I'm going to class." I watched him leave, holding my hand against my chest trying to calm my racing heart to no avail. "Fuck!" I hurried inside, I could hear his footsteps as he climbed the staircase. "And you seriously think I'm more fucked up than you?!" I called after him for shock-value. He didn't respond. His footfalls grew faint. "I'm leaving without you!" Once my echo faded there was only silence. Dumbfounded I stood at the bottom of the staircase, trying to process what had happened. I physically flinched when I was assaulted by a flash of an image of Cameron's body towering over a young kid – how I imagined Heero looked when he was eight. I couldn't wrap my mind around how Heero could accept what Cameron had done to him, for the 'greater good' of his future. Clearly the boy had been messed up – his mind warped – by his past experiences and I had no idea how to fix him, how to save him. Was that even my responsibility? I left the school again, dragging my feet as I headed back to the train station. I knew I wanted to leave, I wanted to leave as quickly as possible, but something kept my pace slow, something gnawed at me. When I was back at the train station I took a seat on a bench to calm my mind and my heart. It had been an intense day, to say the least. I had to go, I knew, even though I was apprehensive about leaving Heero behind. It had been paramount to my mother to keep me away from Cameron and his perverted influences, it seemed like my duty to continue what had become her life's work; keeping me as far away from him as possible. As I gave it a moment's thought, I was awed by my mother's strength and resolve. It could not have been easy, dealing with the knowledge that she married a sexual predator – a pedophile. She must have been so distraught, so aggrieved, but I had only ever seen her put up a brave face. I understood why she lied to me, she tried to shield me from the truth, to keep it from hurting me the way it did now. Yet I wished I had known, if only so I could have thanked her and appreciated her all the more. The sun stood low on the horizon by the time I hoisted myself up from my seat. I went inside the building, back to the payphones and put the last of my coins into the slot, knowing that Ruby would help me escape, she clearly understood the urgency of the situation. The phone rang only once, she was quick to answer this time. "Duo?" "Hi," My voice involuntarily cracked. "I'm sorry about hanging up on you before." "It's fine sweetheart. I'm worried about you, this is a lot to deal with." I chuckled bitterly. "Duo, tell me where you are, what city? I'll come and get you." Not really paying attention to what she was saying I mewled into the receiver pathetically: "She saved me…" "Honey, of course she did." "I never knew. I wish I had known sooner. Yet at the same I wish I had never known." I let out a shaky breath. "It's so fucked up." "It's going to be okay. You're safe now." In spite of her words I started wailing. In a way I felt guilty. Because Heero had to take my place. My mother took me away from Cameron and he chose Heero to replace me, to become the son he could mold and indoctrinate into complacency so he could freely sodomize him. My 'brother' may still believe Cameron did him a kindness by adopting him, giving him 'stuff', in exchange for sex, but that was a belief formed by a corrupted, victimized mind. That would have been me. That should have been me. But Heero had taken my place, had suffered in my stead. "It's okay, sweetheart, it's okay," Said Ruby, wrought with emotion. "Please tell me where you are, so I can help you." I started shaking my head, surprising myself. "I can't go. I can't leave him." "Who?" I didn't know how to help him, but I had to try. At the very least I had to make an effort to protect him from Cameron's behavior and Heero's own destructive acceptance of it. I wasn't going to run and leave him behind like a coward. That was not the kind of man my mother would have wanted me to grow into. "I'm staying," I stated definitively, more to myself – to encourage myself – than to Ruby. "I'm not going to leave him alone with this demented monster." "Duo, wait-" I hung up before she could scare me with more confrontational truths and talk me out of my decision. I made a mental note to call her once in a while, to let her know I was still okay, because I wasn't going to let Cameron get to me. I wasn't going to let him do to me what he did to Heero. I had to stay with Heero and protect from his adoptive father and from himself until I could successfully convince him to leave with me. It was the only way I knew to honor my mother's memory; to be as brave and as strong as her.
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