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"Trying Is All I Ask Of You "Written By: Zazu Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, nor do I
own the characters. I have borrowed them here for some fun and creativity,
and this is not for profit. I do, however, own the plot mentioned
here, and any instances that you may find similar to real life events
are purely a coincidence. All of the characters depicted in this story
are adults. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Yaoi, lemon Pairings: 1x2x1, 3+4+3 Summary: Heero and Duo are a couple, but when
Duo suggests moving in together, Heero's not too sure "Trying Is All I Ask Of You " Chapter 1 Two years had passed since the Mariemeia coup. A year and ten months had passed since Duo Maxwell, Heero Yuy and Chang Wufei had entered the Preventers Organization, intent on using their skills on peacekeeping.
A year and seven months had passed since Duo had confessed his feelings to his best friend. A year and seven months had passed since Heero had confessed his own mutual feelings and they’d ended up together.
A year had passed since Duo had spoken to Quatre, asking about his and Trowa’s relationship. That day, Duo had asked Quatre what it was like to live together with your lover and Quatre had told him that it was all a part of having a life together.
At that time, Duo hadn’t felt that he, or Heero, were ready to go on to that step. It was enough that they worked together, saw each other almost every day except when they had conferences or missions or were just too damn busy. It was enough that they spent Friday nights and most Saturdays together whenever they could.
It was good that they kept Sundays to themselves for the most part; it gave them time to themselves, the chance to do things that needed to be done like cleaning house or doing laundry, or running errands in general.
But now, a year later, Duo felt that he was ready for that next step. Heero had started spending Friday nights over at his place some seven or eight months ago, and lately, Duo realized how comfortable it was to see Heero on his couch, or cooking in his kitchen, showering in his bathroom…and waking up to see Heero looking at him, or still sleeping next to him.
So after spending two weeks to work up the courage to ask Heero to take that next step with him, Duo finally felt ready to take action.
Just after dinner on Saturday night, Duo parked his car in front of Heero’s apartment. Reaching over, he squeezed Heero’s hand.
“You’ll give me a lift to work on Monday?” Heero asked with a small smile.
“Sure.”
“Goodnight then. Give me a call when you get home.”
“Hey Heero?”
Heero looked back at Duo, his hand on the door. “Yea?”
“I wanted to ask you something,” Duo said, putting his car into parking mode.
“Sure.” Heero turned to face Duo better. “What is it?”
“Do you want to move in with me?” Duo suddenly blurted out.
Heero blinked. “Move in with you?”
“I mean, driving in and out takes at least twenty minutes…and there’s a lot we could do in twenty minutes. Or forty, if you think of it as a round trip.”
Heero didn’t reply, so Duo forged on.
“My apartment might be a bit out of the way but you’re always complaining about city noises; I mean that’s why you spend Friday nights when we don’t have missions at my place, right? That’s why you tell me that you get the best sleep on Friday nights, right? Because there aren’t city noises that wake you up?”
Heero chuckled. “Duo, I get the best sleep on Friday nights at your place because we always end up having mind-blowing sex or just wind up too tired after the week.”
“And…we could have a lot more of that if we lived together, right?”
Heero laughed. “Duo, you make it sound like we only manage it once a week!”
“Wait, wait, wait!” Duo shook his head. “This is totally going in the wrong direction. I am not asking you to move in just so we can become crazy sex maniacs. Okay, so it would be a bonus, but…it’s more than that.”
Heero stopped laughing then. “But…”
“I know you like this apartment more because it’s closer to work in case of emergencies and things, Heero, but…my place is bigger, or if you want we can get another place together or something.”
There was also the fact that Heero’s lease on his apartment was just about up and Duo knew that Heero had yet to renew the contract.
“I don’t know,” Heero said.
“You don’t have to give me an answer now,” Duo said, reaching over to give Heero’s hand a squeeze. “Just…promise me you’ll give it some thought?”
Heero nodded. “I will. Drive safe, okay?”
“Okay. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” With that, and another smile, Heero alighted from the car. Duo watched until the door to the lobby had closed behind his lover before he drove away.
The entire drive home, Duo couldn’t stop thinking about Heero’s expression and reaction to his question. What was the flash of something in Heero’s eyes that came right after surprise?
Duo sighed, wondering if he had honestly thought that Heero would just smile and agree. Going over the conversation in his mind yet again, he couldn’t help but smile at the mention of becoming crazy sex maniacs. But he had also been honest when he told Heero it wasn’t about that.
Duo was simply ready to share more of his life with Heero, and he couldn’t help but wonder whether Heero was ready for that; and if not, why didn’t he feel ready for it?
He was startled when the phone rang and he picked it up on the third ring. “Hello?”
“Duo?”
“Heero.” Duo paused, then cursed. “Shit! I forgot to call you, I’m so sorry!”
Heero chuckled. “It’s okay. I just wanted to make sure you got home okay.”
Duo smiled. “Yea, I did. I’m familiar with the drive and I didn’t get lost,” he teased. “Besides, mental maps were required in training.”
Heero sighed. “Duo…”
“No,” Duo interrupted. “Think it through, please? It’s too soon to answer. Tell me later. Tomorrow, okay?”
“All right,” Heero agreed. “So, what are you going to do now?”
“I think the weekend flick is about to start,” Duo said. “Maybe I’ll watch it. If not, maybe I’ll read a bit, or take a long shower. How about you?”
“There’s some paperwork I brought home so I’ll probably finish it up so I have time to go grocery shopping and stuff tomorrow.”
“All right.” Duo flicked the television on and found the channel with the movie. “Have a good night?” he asked.
“You too.”
They hung up, but still, Duo couldn’t focus on the movie; nor could he focus on his book. Giving it up, he went to take a long shower and focused on working through course calculations in his head so that he wouldn’t think of Heero or Heero’s reaction to his question.
After all, no matter how he over analyzed the situation, in the end he wouldn’t know what Heero thought until Heero told him. There wasn’t any point in over thinking it, not any more than he already had.
*****
They didn’t share more than a brief phone call the next day in the afternoon, and Heero didn’t address the question then, implying to Duo that he would rather wait until they could talk face to face.
As a result, Duo couldn’t help but feel a little nervous when he went to pick Heero up for work on Monday morning. He had Heero’s thermal cup with him and he had filled it with coffee before he left the house, immediately offering it to Heero when Heero got into the car.
“Thanks,” Heero said, accepting the cup. “Good morning,” he added, leaning over to give Duo a quick kiss. Duo quirked a grin.
“Good morning,” he replied, checking his blind spot before starting to drive. The news was playing on the radio because Heero liked to listen to it before work, but this morning, Heero turned it down.
“I gave your question some thought, Duo,” he said. “And…while I do want to, I don’t think I’m ready for it.”
“Why?” Duo asked, feeling his heart drop.
“I love you,” Heero was quick to say, setting a hand on Duo’s thigh. “But…I’m just afraid of how we’ll turn out if we lived together. I mean, sleeping over for a night is nothing…compared to living together, right?”
“But why?” Duo pushed. “Is there something that you think we can’t work out? I’m pretty sure we could compromise.”
“For starters, you…prefer your house in organized mess.”
Duo chuckled at Heero’s use of his words. “You mean I’m messy and you don’t like it.”
Heero’s cheeks warmed a little. “Well, you know that I prefer…things in their place.”
“They are in their place, Heero,” Duo laughed. “The place just happens…not to be where you want them to be.”
“Clothes belong in the hamper, Duo,” Heero said. “Not on the back of your chair.”
“Not on the ceiling light either, but you threw them up there.”
Heero snorted. “Only because you were teasing me and I had to take your boxers off for you. I took them down once I noticed where they were.”
“Okay, clothes in the hamper. I could do that.”
“That’s exactly it,” Heero said. “I don’t…You’re fine they way you are, Duo. I don’t want you to change because of me. If our relationship is fine the way it is now, I don’t want to give anything a chance to get between us. I don’t want petty arguments.”
“I’ll clean,” Duo promised. “And…you might have to give me some time to get used to it, but I’ll do it if that’s what bothers you.”
“That’s not the point, Duo,” Heero said. “I just don’t want things to change so that there’s the opportunity for me to be a pain to you…”
“Or for me to be a pain to you,” Duo said softly.
“You’re not,” Heero immediately said.
“Not yet, that’s what you mean,” Duo murmured.
“Duo…”
“Can’t we try?” Duo asked. “I mean, I’m willing to change my habits. You just have to give me some time. I have two bedrooms so it’s not like we have to…sleep in the same bed every night if you want some alone time. It’s not like we can’t have our own space or our own time. All I’m asking for is the opportunity to be closer to you…and to have more time to be closer to you.”
“I just…I don’t want you to have to change yourself to accommodate me.”
“Isn’t that just a part of the next step?” Duo asked.
“Duo, I…”
Duo’s cell phone rang. “Sorry,” he muttered, slipping his earpiece into place and answering the phone. “Maxwell.” He paused, listening. “I’m on my way to HQ. Where’s the meeting? Okay. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” He hung up and sighed as he cruised to a stop at a red light.
“It’s not just you accommodating me, Duo,” Heero said. “I just don’t want to impose.”
“If I thought it were imposing I wouldn’t ask, would I?” Duo asked. “And…we can do things your way if you don’t want to accommodate, I don’t mind change, so long as you don’t mind ice cream in the freezer. I cannot live without ice cream in my freezer,” he joked.
Heero didn’t laugh. “Duo…I just don’t think I…want any change to our relationship right now.”
“Fair enough,” Duo said after a moment. “Forget I said anything then.”
They lapsed into silence and Duo turned up the volume of the news again just to fill in that silence.
He had to admit that he was disappointed. He respected Heero’s decision, but he had just hoped that Heero wouldn’t mind trying it out at the very least.
For a moment, he wondered if perhaps he didn’t know Heero as well as he thought he did. Was his own organized mess the only thing that bothered Heero, or was there more? Did Heero not want to be around him that much; was he still leaning towards a partially solitary life?
He realized that Heero’s rejection of his offer to accommodate in any way possible hurt him a little. Wasn’t it enough that he was stepping out to say he was willing to change to suit Heero? It wasn’t all about that, but it was a start. There was bound to be some differences in their living lifestyles, organization aside, and like he had said, he had two bedrooms that gave them the opportunity to have their own private space.
He’d prefer if they shared a bed but if Heero hadn’t wanted to, he’d never have forced the issue.
“Duo?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re…quiet.” It was then that Duo realized he’d parked in his spot in the garage.
“Sorry,” Duo muttered. “I was…just thinking about the call I got. I think I have to be out in the field this week although we planned for the operation to take place next week.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached into the backseat for his jacket before alighting from the car. Heero followed and shut his door, watching as Duo shrugged into his jacket and locked the car before handing him his thermal coffee cup. Duo drank from it as he walked towards the elevator.
“I’m sorry, Duo,” Heero said.
Swallowing his coffee along with his disappointment, he turned and smiled at Heero. “No worries, man! Not the end of the world.” He pressed the button for the elevator before he continued. “Really,” he said. “It’s not a big deal, okay?”
Heero studied him for a moment before nodding. “Okay,” he said, stepping in the opened elevator doors. “Leave me a message if you’re going out on a mission.”
“Will do.”
“Be careful.”
“I will.”
Heero leaned towards Duo, brushing their shoulders briefly together. Duo flashed him a smile although his heart wasn’t completely behind it.
It really wasn’t a big deal, but Duo couldn’t help but wonder why he suddenly felt so insecure.
And then, he couldn’t help but wonder if Heero was insecure about their relationship and hence, hesitating to progress forward.
Shaking himself from his thoughts as the elevator chimed, letting him out on the floor he needed to go to, he nudged Heero again before stepping off. Once he was out of Heero’s sight and heard the elevator doors shut, he sighed and tried to focus.
It was time for work. He’d think about Heero later.
*****
Heero was just returning from lunch with Wufei when he saw the light blinking on his phone, indicating a message. He punched in the code to access his mailbox and listened to the message.
Hey Heero, looks like I was right about the mission being pushed up. Take my car home tonight; I’m going to make use of the sleeping quarters here tonight because I’ll be heading out before sunrise tomorrow. I’ll be going out of town for some recon before the actual mission. I’m not expecting to finish until Saturday or Sunday. I’ll be careful, and you be the same. Love you.
Heero hung up the phone with a sigh. Wufei was just settling at his desk, and he turned to Heero. “Something has been bothering you all day today,” Wufei said.
Heero shrugged. “I’m just…” he sighed. “Duo…asked me to move in with him.”
“And?”
“And I told him no.”
“And?”
“And I feel like a heel, telling him that,” Heero said with an explosive sigh.
“Well, why did you say no?” Wufei asked.
“I…don’t think I’m ready for that.”
“Why not? You spend Friday nights at his place, don’t you?”
“Spending one night and…every day is a bit difference, isn’t it?”
“Well, why don’t you think you’re ready?”
“We’re different.” Heero said. “Like…he likes his place cozy and a little messy, lived in, or organized mess, he calls it. Me…I can’t help but pick up some of the stuff he leaves around when I’m there.”
“And what did he say to that?”
“He said he’d be willing to relocate his messes to places I want them to be.”
“So he’s willing to accommodate.”
“Yes.”
“So what’s the big deal? Anyway, isn’t your lease almost up? Did you sign for an extension?”
“Yes it is, and no, I haven’t. But the fact is that I haven’t gotten around to it yet, not because I was thinking about this.”
“Isn’t it economical for you to live together?” Wufei asked. “He has a two-bedroom place, right? You can be flatmates.”
Heero sighed. “I don’t want to force him to accommodate me, even if he feels like some of it will be necessary should we…or anyone for that matter, take this next step in a relationship.”
“That’s true. Some adjustment is necessary, and some time. Didn’t it take time for you to adjust to living with him during missions in the war? Or with any of us?”
Heero nodded. “It took time, and I understand that. But I don’t want any of that to become an excuse for us to argue. I like where we are now and I don’t want it to change.”
“You’re insecure.”
Heero glared, although he knew that Wufei was right. “I just don’t want to have petty arguments that can be avoided,” he said defensively. “And if we’re okay living apart like we are now, I don’t see why it has to change.”
“Maybe Duo’s looking for it to change for the better.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
“If you don’t try, you wouldn’t know, would you?”
“If I don’t try that it won’t have a chance to change for the worse.”
“Nor does it have a chance to change for the better.”
“And that’s exactly why I feel like a heel. I think…Duo really wants it. Seeing Trowa and Quatre and the way they are, I…want it too. But I’m not sure I want to take this risk just yet.”
“And Duo respects that.”
“He does, but…I think my response still weighed heavily on his mind.”
“Well, if he had been hopeful about it, give him some time to accept that you aren't ready.”
“We both get that time now,” Heero said. “He’s just gone on a mission.”
Wufei nodded. “It’s not my place to say anything, but ultimately if you don’t want to he won’t force you.”
“I know,” Heero said softly.
- TBC -
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