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"SHADOWS AND LIGHT: AN UNBREAKABLE BOND" Written By: Stone Angel
Please see Prologue for disclaimer, ratings and explanations. ^_^ AN: I believe I gave everyone fair warning in the last few bits of the angst content of the rest of this thing, ne? Here is where you may start to like Elmer and Martha. //TEXT// = written word.
SHADOWS AND LIGHT: AN UNBREAKABLE BOND:
Duo walked along the fence in the vineyard, holding the stake in one hand, twirling it in his fingers thoughtfully. In the East, the sun was rising steadily, the sky illuminated faintly in hues of pink and orange. 'I have nothing left. I'll just wait for the sun.' Feeling his skin begin to burn, Duo welcomed the pain. 'I'm too weak to go on.' He closed his eyes as he continued to walk away from his house. "Duo?" Eyes snapping open, Duo spun to face his land lady and land lord, both approaching him warily from the vineyard, both holding clippers and Patches trailing behind them. 'Damn. I just wanted a quiet end to it. I should have walked the other way.' He watched as the couple approached him, worried expressions on their elderly features. "Duo?" Martha spoke. "It's late for you to be out. Won't you get burned?" Duo hung his head, letting his bangs obscure his eyes in shadow. "It doesn't matter." He spoke softly. Martha stepped forward but stopped when he backed away from her. "Duo. What's wrong? Is everything Ok?" Duo shook his head and laughed at himself and the absurdity of the situation. "Everything's just peachy." He said, unable to keep the sarcasm from his voice. "I'm hanging around outside at dawn. Does that strike you as Ok?" Taking a breath, he sighed. "Everything is fine." Patches walked up to him and sat by his side, merely looking up to him. Martha spoke. "Ok, now I KNOW something's wrong. Patches always tackles you when he sees you. What's going on?" "Nothing. Really." He scratched behind the dog's ear and smiled just slightly when he whined at him. He stood straight and glanced at the East. Martha was silent and her husband spoke. "Please go back to your house, Duo. We don't want you to get hurt." "Too late." He said in a bare whisper as tears escaped his eyes. Even in the dim light and with her old eyes, Martha saw them and stepped forward, taking the stake from his hand. "Duo. I think that this was not for precaution. I won't let you use it on yourself." She pushed his bangs away from his eyes and he closed them and turned his head away, not wanting her to see the pain he knew was plain there. "Duo." She took his hand in hers. "Come inside. It will be light soon. You're my friend. Don't make me watch you die." Duo waited for a moment, feeling his skin and eyes burn more with the coming sunlight. At last, he gave in and nodded, his shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs. His landlady pulled him towards the house that he had patrolled around countless times, yet had only been in once. She opened the door and invited him in. 'She thinks I have to be invited each time. Hmph.' He snorted at the idea in his mind. "Mrs. Jones_" "Martha." The woman corrected hastily. Duo looked up for a moment before casting his eyes down again. "I'll just go home. I'll be alright. Really." Martha looked down to the stake in her hand then back to him. "Duo, please stay. Comfort an old woman. I'm worried about you. I know that was a suicide attempt. I can't imagine why you'd want to die so badly, but please don't try to end your life. Not on my land." Elmer spoke from behind him. "Please stay here for the day. If only to keep me from hearing Martha cry." Duo felt more tears form in his eyes and nodded reluctantly, allowing himself to be pulled into the house and away from the sun as it rose mere seconds after the door was closed. His skin tingled with the knowledge of how close he had come. 'Damn you.' He looked up to Martha nervously for a moment before glancing to Elmer, unsure of what to say. 'How does one thank someone for not letting him kill himself?' "I was going to make some tea for Elmer and I after we were done pruning. We can do that tomorrow. Would you like some tea?" Martha asked softly. Duo nodded, not raising his eyes and flinching slightly when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked to his side to see Elmer resting a hand on his shoulder, trying to reassure him that it was alright for him to be there. He couldn't stop himself from trembling. 'I hate people having to take care of me. I shouldn't be here. I should be dead. I should have died two hundred years ago.' "I'm sorry." He said weakly. "I didn't mean to frighten you." Martha smiled wryly. "It's Ok, Duo." She closed the curtains to the window on the side of the house that faced the East, abruptly destroying the square, yellow patch of light that splashed on the opposite wall. Smiling sweetly, she stroked Duo's bangs back from his eyes before she walked into the kitchen to make the offered tea. 'I hate that. It's too much like when Heero did it.' Duo felt a stab of intense pain in his heart and not realizing, formed his hands into fists at his side. Elmer must have seen this for he released Duo's shoulder and gave him his space, out of fear or wisdom, Duo knew not which and didn't care. He suppressed a sob and looked about the house, aquatinting himself with his surroundings. It was an old habit; a precaution. Know your environment, analyze all possible escapes and weaknesses, locate anything that could be used as a weapon, size up all potential enemies. Duo laughed mentally despite himself. 'I don't want to live anymore, and yet my survival instincts are still strong. How annoying.' He glanced up to Elmer, not saying a word and looking back to the floor, unsure of what to do or say in such a situation. "I'm sorry. I never should have pulled that stunt. I just... I'm sorry." Elmer nodded. "It's Ok, Duo. Stay here until tonight. I know there is no other option for you now that the sun is up, but I think you need to hear that. You are invited to stay, shelter here." Duo nodded a small distant nod. 'Like when Heero first invited me into his apartment to escape the sun.' He crushed the feelings the thought provoked. 'Kuso.' After a few moments of silence, Martha returned with a cup of steaming tea in each hand. "Here, Duo." She handed one to him and he graciously accepted it. "Thanks." Martha waved it off. "Elmer, can you go close the rest of the curtains?" The old man nodded wordlessly and walked from the room. Martha turned back to Duo. "Let's sit down, Ok?" Duo nodded, merely staring at his tea. He felt Martha place a hand on his shoulder, a small amount of pressure pushing him forward. He looked up at her and allowed himself to be led into the living room, where he was gestured to sit on the couch. Rather than sit on the couch, he sat on the floor and leaned his back against the cushions. He glanced up to Martha before returning his gaze to the tea in his hands. Martha sighed and sat next to him on the couch. "So." Duo glanced her way from the corners of his eyes. "So." Martha sipped her cup of tea. A long moment of near absolute silence threatened to deafen Duo. 'I hate silence. That's why I have so much music. And talk all the time. To drown out the buzz and the voices.' He shook his head to keep said annoyances from making themselves known and looked back to Martha when she placed a hand on his upper back. "You wanna talk about it?" "I don't want to burden you with my problems." Duo said softly. Martha smiled sweetly and ran her fingers through his bangs to reassure him. "I want to hear it, Duo. It's Ok." He gulped as he looked forward again in silence. "Ok. I'll talk, you nod or shake your head." Martha sighed. "Does this have to do with Heero?" Duo nodded as his eyes squeezed closed. Martha was silent for a moment. "What happened?" Duo felt the sobs and tried his damnedest to stop them but found it impossible. He sobbed quietly into the silent room. Taking his cup, Martha set their tea down on the table and sat on the floor as she embraced him slowly, rubbing his back and kissing his crown in a maternal way. "Duo. What happened? Are you two…no longer together?" Duo sobbed harder. "I don't know. I don't know. And I can't stand it. I hate not knowing. I don't know what he wants and it is Hell. I know he hates me. But I also know he loves me. And I could take him pushing me away, I could take him being by my side for the rest of his life, but this not knowing... I can't... It wouldn’t work but… It hurts so badly." "Shhhh. It's Ok." The woman rubbed his back. "I feel like part of me is gone. Like I've been cut down the middle and half of me is missing and I'll never find it again. How can anything be this bad?" Duo sobbed into her shoulder. She continued to rub his back. "That's what a broken heart feels like, Duo." Duo nodded. "I know. It's happened before. But that just makes it worse. Knowing that I couldn't stop it from happening again." Martha seemed to think about that for a moment. "It happened before?" Duo nodded. "Not with Heero. The person Heero used to be." By this point, Martha was genuinely confused. "What?" Duo sighed and his sobs became hitched breaths. "Heero is the reincarnation of a friend I had as a child." Martha took that information rather well. "Oh. So...reincarnation is true? Does that mean there's no Heaven?" Duo laughed softly despite the pain he felt. "I don't know the answer to that one. I, personally, believe in Hell. Hell on Earth." "What do you mean?" Came Elmer's voice from the other side of the room. Leaning away from the woman, feeling that it would make the nervousness he felt coming off of Elmer ease slightly, Duo sighed softly and blew a gust of wind up into his bangs in a vain attempt to get his hair out of his eyes. "Hell on Earth. The world is a cruel place. Everyone knows this but ignores it. That just makes it even worse." Martha nodded. "I understand what you mean." Duo stared at the cups of tea on the table. "Yeah." "And you get to see all the bad parts at their worst, huh?" He nodded. "And your friend, the one that was Heero, what happened?" Duo felt the tears sting his eyes anew and just stared through them at the cups of tea on the coffee table. "He died when I was about Twenty or so." For a moment Martha and Elmer were quiet before the woman spoke. "Was he a friend? Or...?" Duo shook his head. "He was my best friend. But I was in love with him just the same. Not the way I love Heero, but even so..." He felt his throat tighten at the thought of his lover. Martha placed a hand on his back. "It's always hard when you lose someone. I imagine that happens a lot for you." Duo shook his head. "No. Heero and Solo_Heero's former self_are the only ones that I cared about that much that I lost. After Solo's death, I stayed away from people to keep that from happening again, so scared was I to get attached. I couldn't take it." Martha nodded. "I understand." She sighed. "So why are you and Heero... Why did you try to kill yourself?" Duo's tears fell from his eyes with renewed vigor. "I... He... It just can't work. It's not right." Martha held him. "Duo. I know you two are very different. But you have to have faith in people. Especially the ones you love." Duo shook his head. "No, it's not like that. It's wrong for me to be with him. He has his whole life ahead of him. And he just wants to throw it away like so much trash." Martha froze. "Oh. I see. ...He wants eternity." Duo felt himself begin to shake and Martha's hand began to stroke his back again. "Shh. It's Ok, Duo." She kissed his hair. "What did you tell him?" "I said that there was no way I would ever... And he... He didn't take it well. We've had this fight before. It's almost become a familiar dance to me now. I know all the steps by heart. But this time... I don't know what to do. I don't know if he ever wants to see me again. It was bad. We both said things that were meant to hurt." Nodding, Martha spoke. "A quarrel." Duo shook his head. "No. We've had quarrels. This was a battle." Martha understood. "Are you going to see him? To see what's going to happen?" Duo shook his head. "I don't know. I think he needs time. I'm not sure." Martha nodded. "When did this happen?" Closing his eyes, Duo sighed. "A few nights ago. Thursday." Martha thought about that. "Why don't you wait for a little while. Sleep here and then think about it tonight." She stood. "We have a spare bedroom you can use. It's Calvin's old bedroom. The bed is small but it's yours for the using if you like." Duo didn't meet their eyes. "Thank you. I don't like people taking care of me, though. Are there any chores in the house that I might be able to do until sunset?" Martha smiled. "Not really. Please just get some sleep. You look tired." She held out her hand. "I'll take you to the room." Duo paused for a moment, deep in thought, analyzing possible dangers despite himself before resignedly taking her hand and standing from the floor. "Ok." Martha smiled and led him to the stairs, taking him to a small bedroom that had obviously been vacant for quite some time. Looking at the floor, Duo tried to think of a way to thank her for not letting him kill himself. "Martha..." He scrambled for words but found none. Martha smiled knowingly and kissed his crown, pushing him into the room with the curtained window. "Don't pay it another thought, Duo. Get some sleep, Ok?" Duo attempted to grin but the best he could muster was a small, wry smile. "Ok." Martha winked and closed the door, leaving him alone with his thoughts and irrational fears. * * * In late afternoon, Duo awoke from a blessed nothing. ‘Damn. Why do I always have to wake up?’ He stumbled out of the unfamiliar bed and walked to the door, opening it and stepping into the hallway. He heard dishes being done and decided that he was going to lend the two a hand, even if it killed him. He walked silently down the stairs to the kitchen to see Martha over a sink full of dishes, scrubbing them. "May I help?" Martha startled and turned to him, the dish she had been holding falling from her hand. Duo rushed forward and caught it. She took a few quick steps back at him running at her but soon recovered and took the dish when he held it out to her. "Thank you. Good reflexes." He smiled wryly. "Comes with the territory. Sorry for startling you." She smiled sweetly. "It's Ok. I just don't ever see people move that fast." She looked to a clock on the wall with the face painted like a farm. "Um. Are you supposed to be awake?" He smiled sheepishly. "I couldn't sleep anymore. And I was wondering what I could do to help." She shook a finger at him cheerfully. "Nothing. You are a guest." He looked down. "Ok. What can I do around here to keep away the boredom?" She sighed. "You wanna give me a hand with these? Can you do dishes?" He smiled. "Yep. Thanks." He stepped to the sink and began to wash the heavy porcelain plates one by one, quickly but efficiently, stacking them on the counter when he was finished with each. Martha chuckled behind him and then took the other side of the sink, washing the dishes there. When Duo was done with his, he picked up the dry towel from the counter and sat upon the surface, drying each dish with care. His were soon done so he took the ones Martha was done washing and dried them for her. "Thank you." She said with a smile as she continued to wash the last remaining glasses. He smiled wryly. "No problem." "Um. So what are you going to do?" She asked. He sighed. "I don't know. I don't really have much in the way of options." He took a tall glass from her and began to dry it. "I suppose I will wait." She nodded. "That's usually the best plan. Calvin got into a few situations like this one. With girls. He never knew what to do either. But we always told him to wait it out and not do anything rash. And now, he's married to one of the girls he had waited for." Duo smiled and set the glass on the counter, taking the next from her. "That's good." She sighed as she shut off the water and dried her hands on a dry wash cloth. "Of course... Things weren't as complicated as they are for you." He nodded silently as he gazed at the drops of water on the glass that so resembled tears. "Yeah." He dried the glass, not wishing to see tears and then slid off the counter and took a hold of the stack of dishes. "Where do these go?" She smiled and opened a cupboard for him. He set the dishes atop their matching counterparts and then retrieved the glasses and mugs, putting them in their own places. After he had put them all away he closed the cupboard and turned to see Martha studying him. He looked down to the floor, unsure of what she was thinking but not willing to find out. "I'm sorry." She said when she realized that she was making him nervous. "You just remind me of Calvin sometimes. I haven't seen him in so long." He smiled wryly. "That happens. Years go by without you noticing. When was the last time?" She smiled sadly. "Ten years ago. Maybe longer." He nodded. "What's stopping you from seeing him? I mean..." She smiled. "He's in Oregon. He moved there with his wife and son. He sends us pictures and calls every now and then. I just..." "You miss him." She nodded. "Yes." Duo smiled sadly as well. "How is he?" She shook her head. "Not so well. He had to take out a loan from the bank or face bankruptcy. That was three months ago. We haven't heard from him since." Duo smiled wryly. "Perhaps...when I move... You could ask if he wants to live in the guest house?" She smiled. "I'll think about it. I wouldn't mind, but I don't know if he'd accept. And it is complicated. He and Elmer don’t get along." She said with a distant tone in her voice. Duo figured that if she wanted to tell him about it, she would have, and just left it at that. "So what else can I do around here?" She shook her head slightly to break herself out of her thoughts. "Oh. Uh, let's see. There really aren't very many house chores. Most of them are outside. I was going to sew some of Elmer's shirts." Duo grinned. "Great. I'll help." She smiled. "Very well." * * * As soon as the sun had set, Duo felt a tingle on the edge of his mind. ‘A vamp.’ He reached out and felt for who it was. 'Wufei. Oh crap. He's pissed.' "Um, Martha, the sun is down now. I'll go as soon as I finish this shirt, Ok?" She nodded and gave him a meaningful look. "Promise me not to kill yourself, Duo? Please?" He did his best to grin but all he could was a weak smile. "Ok. I promise." She smiled and returned to her sewing. "Um. Wufei's gonna be here in a few seconds. He might do some yelling." Martha looked at him. "How do you know?" She peered over her seldom worn glasses. He shrugged as he busied himself with the small stitches. "I just do. I can sense him. And he is angry with me for being gone all day." She nodded and continued, but still startled when someone knocked at the door. Duo smiled reassuringly to her and then moved to answer the door. Wufei was standing there, stiff and angry looking as his eyes remained closed but his frame shook slightly with rage. Duo looked down. Patches was playfully growling and tugging at Wufei's pants, trying to coax him into a game. "Maxwell. Get it off me before I kill it." Wufei said calmly. It was the calm voice he always used when he was trying NOT to utterly destroy something. Duo smiled. "Patch. Stop." The dog immediately stopped trying to get Wufei's attention and turned to him, panting, seeming to grin, and then walked past him into the house. "Now." Wufei's voice was cold and hard as he glared at him. "Step outside so I can kill you." Duo heard Martha walk up behind him. "Nuh-uh. I don't think so." Duo turned to grin at her. "It's Ok. He won't hurt me." Wufei snorted but spoke directly into his mind so Martha would not over hear. ‘"Yeah. Believe that."’ He winced and turned, thanking Martha and asking her to thank Elmer as well and then stepping outside, across the threshold, only to be dragged away from the house by his braid. "Bye, Martha!" He called as he was dragged away. "Ok, Ok, Ok. I'm sorry. Let me go now." "Not likely." Duo tried to free himself as he was grabbed by the back of his neck and carried as one would a bad cat to a tree where Wufei slammed him into the trunk. 'This takes "tough love" to a whole new extreme.' He thought with humor. He needed to hold onto his humor. If he didn’t, he would go mad. "Are you done?" He asked cockily as Wufei pulled him away from the trunk. "No." He was slammed one more time into the tree. Not hard. Just enough to hurt. The bark of the tree scratched him and he knew it would take a couple of days for them to heal. "Ok! I get the point! I'll never make you worry again!" "Good." Wufei dropped him to the ground where he fell on his ass, the world spinning a little for a second or two. He stood and glared at him. "You knew I was there! I was close enough to the house for you to sense me! You knew I was Ok." Wufei returned the glare. "Maxwell. I knew you were there. But if you do that again, leave and not come back by dawn, I will hunt you down and make you suffer." He threatened. 'Don't you think I'm suffering enough?!' Duo thought to himself. "Yosha. Gomen nasai." ‘I can’t hurt him or Quatre or Trowa. It was stupid of me to try to kill myself. Cruel.’ He mentally kicked himself. Wufei dropped his scowl slowly. "Yosha. I'm going hunting. You?" Duo shook his head. "Iye. I will stay in." Wufei gazed at him from the corners of his eyes for a moment before walking to the house to his car. Duo walked into the house and headed for his room. He pulled a large book out from a drawer and opened it. It was the Computer Basics book Heero had given him. Inside was a piece of paper Duo treasured more than any bill. He took out the white paper with the sketch on it. 'Heero.' He ran his fingers over the lines his lover had drawn upon the paper, a perfect likeness to himself. 'Why do I do this to myself?' He wondered as he began to cry. He placed the book back in the drawer, next to the pictures he had gotten from Quatre, and lay down on the bed, holding the frail paper to his heart as one would an infant. Deep down, he knew that he could never see Heero again. It would be too wrong. But it didn’t change the fact that he wanted it. He wanted to see Heero more than anything in his life. ‘But I won’t. Ever. I have to stay away. I knew this would happen.’ He thought as he continued to clutch the gift to his heart. 'Hee-kun...' He sobbed into the silent room. * * * It had been five days. Five days since he had said those awful things to Duo. Since then, Heero’s life had become little more than Hell, each second an eternity that was filled with heartache and agony. He no longer cared whether Duo would have ever granted him immortality. Or that he had appeared to take joy in killing the man in the alley. All he cared about was seeing him again. He lived, breathed and slept Duo, when indeed he did sleep. And the absence of the other half of his soul was tearing him apart. Heero had attended school, gone to work and put up his mask for those with which he associated. But today, he couldn’t do it anymore. "Doug?" He asked his friend as they walked towards his car. "Yeah?" "Will you…? Um…" He handed his friend an enveloped note that he had worked on for three days, just trying to get the words right. "I need you to do me a favor." He said as he looked into his friend’s eyes. "Can you give this to him?" Doug looked down at the note for a moment and then back to him. "What for?" He asked, knowing whom Heero meant. "I mean, why don’t you?" ‘Why don’t I?’ Heero asked of himself. "Doug, please, I need him to get this." Doug gave him a calculating look for a moment before sighing. "You’ve been kinda quiet for over a week. Did you guys break up?" Heero turned forward and started to walk away, exasperated and unwilling to break down in front of his friend. "Forget it." Doug stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "You did, didn’t you? You guys broke up. What happened?" Heero shook his head. "It’s a long story." "Bore me." Heero shook his head again. "I just… I said some things… This is an apology. I don’t want to corner him. I figured this might be easier. He doesn’t have to run away from a letter." He looked back to his friend. Doug nodded and took the envelope. "How do you want me to handle this, Yuy?" Heero wanted to hug him for accepting and doing this for him, but instead he smiled, ignoring the tears that formed in his eyes. Though he ignored them, Doug didn’t. "Yuy… What happened?" Heero sniffled and wiped away the tears. "I hate him. But I love him. I don’t know what to do!" Doug squeezed his shoulder lightly. "Ok. You wanna talk about it?" Heero shook his head. "No. I just… I just want him back." Doug was silent for a moment before leading him to a bench and all but pushing him to sit down. "Talk." Heero stared forward. "Who broke up with who?" He sighed. "It was mutual. Neither of us wanted to, but it happened. Then I said some things that I really wish I hadn’t." Silent for a long moment, Doug sat down as well. "How did it start?" Forcibly calming himself, Heero closed his eyes for a moment. "It’s been starting for a while. I just… I didn’t think. I didn’t see it coming." "Hn." Doug lit a cigarette and handed it to Heero. Heero took it gratefully and took a long drag. "So what happened?" Heero sighed. "I followed him on a hunt." He heard his friend gasp and prepared himself for a long speech about how stupid he was. He didn’t get one. Rather Doug just said a few things. "You’re kidding. Aw, man. They hate that, you know. Why did you?" Heero grimaced. "I thought that if I saw it, he could trust me the way he did with his friends?" Doug "tsk tsk"ed. "Bad form, Yuy. That was not the best way to go about it." Taking another powerful drag, Heero nodded. "I know. That’s why I’m apologizing. Can you deliver it to him? The next time you see him?" Doug was silent for a long moment as he stared forward. "You know, the reason they don’t let us see them feed or hunt is not out of fear or anything. Or at least, for most of them. It’s for our benefit that they never let us watch. They don’t want to disturb us. They know how strange it would be for us to see it. What he was doing wasn’t hiding. He was protecting you." Heero felt a wave of new guilt wash over him with that fact. ‘Oh shit.’ He pleaded with his eyes to his friend. "God, Doug, I HAVE to get that letter to him. I don’t think he wants to see me though. PLEASE do it. Please." Doug took the cigarette and took a drag. "I’m not sure want to get involved in this." He said as he gazed at the envelope thoughtfully. "Please." Heero pleaded. "Please. I really need you to do this." Doug was quiet for a moment before sighing. "Alright. I’ll do it. But you owe me." Heero nodded hastily. "Yeah, sure. Anything." Doug smiled. "Keep Leo off my back. Just threaten him. He won’t even look at me when you’re around. I know it was Duo’s doing but just tell him that I’m under your wing or something." Heero smiled through his tears. "Ok. Thank you, Doug." His buddy shrugged. "What are friends for?" * * * Duo heard a knock on the front door. He checked his watch. ‘It’s Ten. Wufei’s not here and who ever it is, is not a vamp.’ He walked into the living room and opened the door. ‘Shit.’ Doug smiled sheepishly at him. "Hey, man. Been a while." He nodded and let go of the door handle. "So it has. What are you doing here?" Doug gestured with a thumb to his car. "Well, we got a new shipment. I’m low on cash and was kinda hoping you were low on blood, so…" Duo’s eyes wandered to the car and he sighed silently. ‘Between Wu and myself, the stock Q gave me is almost gone. And even if it wasn’t, it’s old. I was going to have to call him anyway.’ "Ok. How much?" Doug smiled. "I think Two hundred ought to be a good price." Duo nodded. "Alright, let me get the cash." He walked to the hall to get the money from the wallet in his room. "Come on in. It’s cold out there." He called over his shoulder. After a moment, he returned with the stack of bills, the fee plus a tip of Fifty, and handed them to the boy standing awkwardly in his living room and seeming nervous about something. He walked past him and waited by the car for Doug to unlock the trunk. Quickly pocketing the bills, Doug jogged out and slipped his key into the lock, turning it and popping the trunk. He pulled it open and stepped back. Duo took a hold of the large, cold cardboard box and carried the heavy object into the house. After setting it on the counter, he went out to thank Doug but found him waiting just inside the doorway. "Um. Thanks." Doug nodded but didn’t move, merely stared at the floor, fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket. Duo sighed. "You’re jumpy." The boy smiled slightly and shook his head. "Never could put one over on you. Uh. It looks like I got messenger boy duty." Duo blinked. "Come again?" He watched as Doug removed a white envelope from a jacket pocket and fumbled with it for a moment before handing it to him. "He wanted me to give you this." His heart feeling almost like it could beat, Duo stared at the envelope with wide eyes for a moment before slowly extending his hand and taking it in his fingers as gently as one would a holy relic. "…..Heero….?" Doug nodded. "Yeah. He was a mess. But he wanted you to have this." He waited while Duo merely gazed at the sealed letter. "Well? Open it. Even you guys don’t have X-ray vision." Duo glanced up before carefully opening the envelope and pulling the letter out of it. He unfolded it and read it. //Duo. I am sorry for the things that happened. I never meant to hurt you. Ever. I am so sorry for saying those things. For betraying your trust. I wish I could take it back, but I know I can’t. So instead I’ve been sitting here for three days, trying to get what is in my heart to transfer to paper. I don’t think I ever could, however much I try though, but I had to send this to you. I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts to breathe. My life is meaningless without you. All I want is to see you again. I love you. Will you meet me? Please consider it.
Ai shite ieru, Shugotenshi.
Heero.// ‘…"Shugotenshi". …He can’t say that now. That’s not fair…’ Duo gazed at the words, tears just forming in his eyes before he crushed them. He closed his eyes, fought to keep his hands from trembling. ‘He deserves better. He said it himself, though not in so many words. I can’t be with him. I always knew this day would come. Never for a moment did I kid myself that it would not happen. That I could be with him indefinitely. Never once. Now that time has come, though much sooner than I had thought. …I have to do what I swore I would. I have to say goodbye.’ His emotionless mask securely in place, he opened his eyes and handed the paper and envelope back to the frightened looking messenger. "Thanks for stopping by." Doug gaped at him. "Are you serious?! He’s a fucking train wreck! You can’t just leave him like that, man!" Duo glared at him. "I can and I have. He will get over it. Doug was quiet for a moment before speaking softly. "What do I tell him?" Duo did his best to stop his tears, but they fell from his eyes anyway, so he bowed his head and let his bangs obscure his eyes. "Tell him that this is for the best." He said in a whisper. Doug snorted as he scowled. "That’s weak sauce, man." Unsure of what that meant, Duo just shrugged weakly. "It’s the truth." Doug shook his head, stuffing the letter back into his jacket. "Whatever. I didn’t want to get involved in the first place. Relationships are all fucked up." Duo stared at the floor as Doug uttered the very words he himself had once said to Heero long ago. ‘It’s true. They are. But sometimes…they can be so dear...’ He watched as Doug left the house and walked quickly down the steps to his car. "Same day next month?" Duo nodded and closed the door. He leaned against it and slid to the floor. ‘Oh god. What have I done?’ He began to sob, tears falling from his eyes to rain upon his cheeks, his fingertips tingling from where they had touched the paper. Teisei answered softly. ‘You did what you had to. You did the right thing. You know that. No matter how much it hurts, you did what had to be done. It really is for the best. For him. For both of you.’ ‘Shut UP! I don’t CARE! I want him back!’ ‘Stop whining! You sound like a child. You can’t have him back. It would be unfair to him. He is a ningen. He deserves better and you know it. This relationship was doomed before it ever began. This was just the last nail in the coffin.’ Duo nodded and pulled himself up from the floor. Making a brief stop in the kitchen to put away the blood from the box, he walked into the bedroom and turned on some music to drown out the ever wise voice that never gave him a moment’s peace. He then sat on the floor by his bed, clutching the pillow Heero had used and had his scent all over it. Holding the pillow tightly to his chest, he breathed deeply, pretending the pillow was his lover, and crying into the cotton fabric almost as soft as Heero’s hair. Are these times contagious? I’ve never been this bored before. Is this the prize I’ve waited for? Now at the hour’s passing, There’s nothing left here to ensure. I long to find a messenger. He took the picture out from beneath his bed and looked it over. Have I got a long way To run? Have I got a long way To run? Yeah. I ruuun… Is there a cure among us? From this processed sanity? I weaken with each Voice that sings. Now in this world of purchase I’m gonna buy back memories. To waken some old Qualities. One hand still holding the pillow to himself, he let the other roam over the lines drawn on the paper, Heero’s scent filling the air he breathed. He let his mind wander. Have I got a long way To run? Have I got a long way To run? Yeah. I ruuun… Yeah. I ruuun… He recalled running away from Heero the first time. ‘God. I’m always running. How much longer will I be running away? Hiding? I’m so sick of it. I hate this. I never should have run away.’ Have I got a long way? Have I got a long way? Have I got a long way To run? Have I got a long way To run? Yeah. I ruuun… Have I got a long way To run? Yeah. I ruuun… ‘No.’ He thought. ‘What I did was right. What I did was right. It would have been wrong if we had stayed together.’ He traced the picture with light fingers. ‘I did the right thing. I had to run. I had to. I did the right thing.’ He repeated that over and over in his mind, a litany, a mantra. He continued to repeat the words in his mind, ghosting them from his lips, forming, but giving no breath to them to make them sound. He continued to do that until he fell asleep, his head resting on the pillow that smelled so sweetly. Yeah. Have I got a long way To run? * * * Heero waited by the phone, just staring at it. He had been for two hours. And he would remain until the damn thing rang for him. He glanced to the clock in the kitchen. ‘Eleven. It’s almost Eleven. When the hell is he going to call?’ He wondered. At last the phone rang and he snatched it from the table, hitting the ‘Talk’ button and holding it to his ear in one swift, fluid motion. "Hello?!" "Don’t get all excited, buddy, it’s me." Heero sighed. He was glad that it was Doug, but he would have been happier if it was Duo. ‘Then why was I dreading that it might be?’ "You want me to come over? I’m on the cell phone and it’s gonna die in about two and a half seconds." Came the garbled words over the static filled line. ‘This can’t be good.’ "Sure." "See ya." The line died and Heero put the phone it its cradle, sitting on the couch and waiting for the news that he dreaded but had to hear all at once. After five minutes, a knock rapped against the door and Heero rose to answer it. Doug looked sad, tired and pissed at the same time. Heero felt his heart fall. ‘I knew it.’ He looked past Doug to see Mr. Lewis glaring at him from the other side of the parking lot. Heero glared back at him but pulled Doug into the apartment when he tried to see who was there. He closed the door and looked into his friend’s eyes for a moment. What he saw there made him drop his gaze to the floor. "So let me have it." Doug nodded solemnly. "Ok." He reached into his jacket. Heero’s heart soared with new life, hope rekindling in him as he saw Doug pull out a piece of paper. When he got a good look at it however, he died a little inside. It was the letter he had written. He reached out slowly and took it carefully, gazing at it. "He…" Doug sighed. "He just gave it back." Heero nodded silently as he continued to stare at the envelope. "Did…" His voice cracked with raw emotion and he took a breath and cleared his throat, forcing the words to be more than a croak. "Did he say anything?" He asked, fearing the response. Doug nodded sadly. "Yeah. He… He said that this was for the best. I get the feeling he was upset, but he meant it." Trembling, Heero closed his eyes to keep from crying in front of his friend but the tears came anyway. ‘He hates me. Oh, god, Duo hates me.’ Doug hugged him awkwardly then, patting his back. "Hey man, it’s Ok. In a little while, this’ll just be a story of the past. You’ll find some other guy and it’ll be good." Heero shook his head. "No. I can’t. I tried. But I couldn’t…" He recalled the scene behind the bar. Josh had been handsome, and sweet, and nice. But Heero was unable to feel anything. Not only in his soul, but in his body as well. He had not even gotten an erection, evidence of his body’s unwillingness to such an act. When Josh had come to, Heero had helped him back into the bar, telling him of the strange way he had just collapsed and bought him a drink before leaving, apologizing for not staying as he headed out the door and back into the rain. "I can’t feel anything but the pain." He sobbed. Doug continued to rub his back. "Ok. Um. What...?" He shook his head again. "Nothing. Thank you for what you did. But there isn't anything else that I can do, or that I could ask you to." Silence. Heero pulled back and wiped away the last few tears. "Sorry." Doug smiled wryly. "It's Ok, man. I had my guts busted by a girl once. I know how it is." Heero nodded. "I l...lo... Love him." He said as he closed his eyes. "And I h-hate him so m-much. I don't know what to do." He opened his eyes and looked up at his friend. "What did you do?" Doug waited a moment before answering quietly. "I never saw her again." Heero closed his eyes against the pain that the mere thought of never seeing Duo again brought with it. 'God.' He opened his eyes after a moment and got his breathing under control. "Sorry." Doug smiled. "It's Ok. I got over it." He looked around the apartment for a moment uncomfortably. "Um. Heero. You're not going to...? I'll spend some time here. We can watch a movie or something. And I brought you this." He took a bottle out of a pocket. Heero scowled at the medicine bottle. "I don't take drugs." He said flatly. Smiling wryly, his friend nodded. "I know. It's just one sleeping pill, though. I saw you walk into that wall the other day and then grumble something about it sneaking up on you. And you look like Hell. You need to get some sleep. If you don't want it, I have a Valium, too. That will just kind of get your nerves under control, make you not such a wreck." Holding out his hand, Heero nodded. He opened the bottle and looked inside. There were two pills, each of their own make. 'He didn't bring more than one of each so I couldn't O.D. He's smart, though I don't think I would have gone that far.' He pondered that as he gazed at the pills. 'I might have after a while, if I knew I would never see Duo again.' "Which one's which?" He asked as he shook the pills around in the bottle. "The smaller one is the Valium." His friend supplied. "And neither of those can be mixed with alcohol." Heero nodded and took out the small one, popping it into his mouth and swallowing it without water. The bitter taste barely registered as he closed the bottle and handed it back to his friend. Doug made a gesture of not taking the bottle. "Yuy. You need to sleep. If the Valium doesn't calm you enough for you to sleep tonight, then I recommend taking it tomorrow night. People can't live without sleeping. Not even ‘Stone Cold Heero Yuy’ can. Keep it." Heero nodded and put the bottle on the table. "Doug. Thanks a lot. I owe you so big." Doug shrugged. "It's no big deal. Come on. Let's veg. This thing is stressing ME out. What do you want to watch? I brought ‘Terminator Two’." Heero smiled slightly. "Ok." * * * After the movie, Doug stood and stretched. "Well, Yuy. I'm gonna go. You seem Ok, now. Are you?" Heero nodded silently as he gazed at the blank screen of his laptop. 'I feel weird. In a good way. It doesn’t hurt as bad. But I don't feel drugged or drunk. Not like with alcohol. This just kind of dulls the pain.' He turned his eyes to his friend who was chewing his lip thoughtfully. "Thanks, Doug. I really needed that." Doug smiled. "The pill or the movie?" Heero shrugged. "Both. And a friend. Thanks." Doug waved it off as he walked to the door. "Don't mention it." He grinned. "I mean it. I have a reputation to uphold. I can't have people knowing that I can be caring." Heero snorted at that. "Yeah. I'd welcome a change in my rep if I were you." He joked for the sake of his friend. Doug laughed. "Maybe. I'll see you tomorrow?" Turning back to the computer, Heero nodded. "Yeah." Doug waited for another moment, merely standing there with his hand on the door handle. Heero knew he was trying to discern if he would do anything to hurt himself and decided against it. 'I can't hurt Doug. Not after everything he's done. No. I'll get through this.' After a moment, he heard the door open and close and footsteps head down the walkway to the stairs. Selecting a calm song on his computer, he turned up the volume, stood and walked into his room. Come up to meet ya, tell you I'm sorry.
He took in hand the jacket Duo had given him. He had not worn it since the day he had followed Duo to San Louis for the pain it caused him to so much as look at it, such a reminder it was. He rolled it out of the ball in which he had bundled it before carelessly tossing it to the back corner of his closet where it would not be seen. I was just guessing at numbers and figures, Smoothing it lovingly, he walked to his bed to lie down with the jacket held tightly against his chest.
Nobody said it was easy. He sprawled on the mattress, reveling in not being consumed by feelings of sorrow and grief, though they were still there. 'Duo...' He thought as he recalled all the good times they had had. 'I miss you.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I love 'Coldplay'. Now they're big(this was written months ago) and I hate it but I still love 'em. ^_^ Well. The next two chapters are the ones where everything comes together for the end. The next one is very short and VERY important. After that one is the last chapter. Then I'll figure out what to do with the epilogues. ~_~' Bit off more than you could chew starting this one, ne? Eh. The epilogues are highly optional.
~Leia
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