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"Enjoying Silence"Written By: shinigami2174 Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. It belongs
to its rigthful owners.I am not making money, this is written just
for fun. I am totally penniless, so please don't sue me. Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Duo’s POV, Angst, yaoi. Pairings: 1+2+1, 1x2 implied. Summary: A short look at Duo's reasons for talking. Feedback: Yes please! shinigami2174@Argentina.com Thanks to Kat, Renet and Tritorella for beta reading.
There was a time when words were my allies. I know, you would think that my best allies were the other four Gundam Pilots, but you'd be mistaken. They were my brothers in arms, my comrades, and my family. Words, on the other hand, were my tools, my weapons, and my shield. They kept the memories away and everyone else at bay. Think about it for a second and it’ll make sense to you. While I was talking, everybody listened and didn’t really look at me. They didn’t see the fear, the remorse and the pain that threatened to take control of me. Heero was my antithesis. He used silence instead of words. He tried to alienate everybody with his muteness. I guess that helped him to keep both memories and fear away. He's never told me. I've never asked. It wasn’t like I never shut my mouth. I could be pretty silent and enjoy the quietness. The idea of me being unable to control my mouth’s frankly laughable. I know about control. I was able to control my feelings for Heero after all. Yes, I kept them at bay during the whole two wars. It wasn’t the right time. It never seemed to be the right time. But people change, circumstances change too. One day he showed up at my door. He was still very quiet. Without saying a single word, he told me everything I needed to know. He just kissed me, passionately, desperately, and full of need. There were no promises, no vows, no sweet words whispered into my ear. No, they weren’t necessary. After all, vows and promises could be broken, our bonds couldn’t. They were stronger, deeper and beyond meaningless words. They still are. We moved together to a small house. It's nothing fancy, just enough for both of us. We just lived. There was no happy-ever-after, just life. It was more than enough. We renounced the idea of normalcy some time ago. We’re not normal, we’re just… well… us. We accept each other the way we are, with all our flaws, our guilt and our fear. People often tell me I’ve changed, that I’m quieter now. Maybe it’s just that I don’t use words to protect me from the world as often as I used to. They think it's Heero's influence. It is, but not in the way they think. He gives me peace. He gives me love. He gave me quietness, I gave him words. Now he talks more often, but I love the moments we share, holding each other, without talking, without whispering, without promising anything. It isn’t like we never talk to each other, we do. We communicate very well. We can also be very… vocal in the heat of passion. However, there're moments when we make love that are so intense, where sensations and feelings are so overwhelming that they make us silent. In those moments, when our souls seem to merge and we are one, I look into his eyes and find everything I need to know. I know he loves me and I love him back. We’ve never said it out loud; probably we’ll never do it. I don’t care. I don’t need words. I need him. My old allies are needed no more, because I have his silence. I don’t need them as weapons, because I don’t fight my feelings anymore. I don’t need them as tools, because I learned to survive on my own. I learned to live with myself, with my memories and fears. I don’t need them as shield, because Heero’s love keeps me safe. I don’t need them as companions, because I have him. ~ * ~ |
