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"Shadow Man"Written By: Kaeru Shisho Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing
or its characters, nor do I make any monetary profit off this story. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Yaoi, AU, angst, sap, romance, drama Pairings: 1x3, 2x4, 5xC Summary: Hardly more than a shadow himself, Trowa glimpses the shade cast across the concrete of another young man, who is about to make a fatal mistake. A/N: This story takes place in a universe more
like ours today, where the colonies exist, but not in space, and where
the world is on the cusp of change " Shadow Man" Chapter 12 "You didn't answer your cell," Catherine chided me. "So the gate guard called me and I recognized the names of your two friends. They are rather unusual." "Who are?" I asked. "Not who, the names! They have unusual names- Duo and Quatre?" "Them?" What were they doing here? I wondered. Something made her smile. "Do you know a Six and an Eight, too?" Heero got it and chuckled, "No." "Tro-wa! You forgot to renew their temporary passes," she said, giving me a slap. "You have to do that each week. Look who has the brain failure syndrome now!" She laughed and trotted off at right angles, leaving Heero and me to admit our friends at the gate. Duo was holding a large sack. With his hands full he couldn't wave. Quatre, unimpeded by hand baggage, made up for his friend's impairment and jumped up and down while waving both arms and crying, "There they are!" "Told you so," Duo said. "But Heero's walking! I didn't expect... not so soon! He didn't say!" "When he called, he said he was better. You know he's an ass keeping secrets." From Duo's grin, I knew he meant us to have overheard him. I also knew Heero must have invited them. I raised an eyebrow asking Heero for confirmation and he gave it by way of a careless shrug. Duo was right; Heero could be an ass. "I didn't think they'd turn up today," Heero said. But they had arrived and bringing, Duo announced, "Refreshments! Donuts and coffee are nature's crank." "You need winding up?" I thought Duo was like a compressed energy ball, ready to blow at any time. He ignored my remark. "They're good, and I get a deal at Lorna Lee's," Duo said. I assumed that was the donut shop. "'That'll be two fifty,' Lorna said to me, and punched my receipt. Ten punched receipts, and I get a free doughnut." Duo smiled. "Not much is free." Very true. "Frugal." I looked over at Heero, but he was talking to Quatre. All I could think about with any intensity was our aborted love tryst. My heart was still pumping hard, my skin tingly, my... well, I'd been ready to do something. "So, we came to see...Heero and a show. We need tickets?" Duo asked. If you'd come to the island, you would have seen a real show, I thought. "No. Of course not. You're our guests." I impressed myself with my graciousness under duress. We had a few hours to collect back at the caravan, give them to short tour, and grab dinner. I ate lightly. I'd eat more after my performance was over, but it wasn't just that. I knew I felt resentful. I didn't want to share Heero with his old friends, even though I knew they weren't a real threat. I was in love and sure of Heero's affection, but not so secure that I didn't wonder how long it would last. The more often he saw these old friends the more of his past he remembered. Their presence jogged his memory. I feared the day he remembered how forgettable I'd once been. I was sipping water and listening to them talk about the past, a game they had played together, when Wufei joined us. "Hello, Duo and Quatre. Come to see a performance?" "Yes and Heero, and you and Trowa, of course!" said Quatre. "It's almost time to get ready," he told me. "I know." "Course he does! He's not the one that screwed up his memory." Duo slapped my friend on the back. He was also studying Wufei's face. "You can forget trying to get a smile out of him," I said. "He's very seriously focused before his act." "Nonsense," Wufei said, cracking the barest smile. He stepped back, out of arm's reach and away from the close examination. "We really should go." Duo and Quatre were gone by the time the show was over. Heero had seen them to the gate. "They wanted me to tell you that your acts were great. They would have stayed, but I encouraged them to leave with the crowd to avoid drawing any more attention to their visit." "Good idea. I hadn't thought of that. You think Odin's tracking them?" "It's possible; anything is possible. Quatre felt certain that they weren't followed. He has these... guards that watch out for him." "His own personal army?" I asked. "His father's, actually. You heard him talk about the Maguanacs before." "Name's familiar." "The Winners are very wealthy people and I guess there's some fear of Quatre being kidnapped, or something. The point is," Heero said, "although it's possible Odin's keeping track of my friends' whereabouts, it is unlikely. He must have better things to do." I wondered about that. Locating his stepson just might be a high priority for the man. I didn't know Lowe, but I didn't like his relationship with Heron. Still, I didn't want to bring down Heero's mood with pointless worries. There wasn't anything I could do about it this night. We went to bed and worked off a little excess energy left over from the aborted island romp. We were both physically spent, so it was nothing remarkable that we did. Just really hot. I sucked him half dressed, and nearly came when he moaned. Heero's mouth was like a furnace and he'd learned fast that I liked my balls touched. We were done in less than five minutes. The best five minutes ever, of course. After everything that had happened that day, five minutes was all I had to give, and then I was out like the proverbial light. (o) The next morning was Mark's, the rehab technician, last time to work out with Heero. "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't been here to watch you develop," he told Heero. "You are nearly fully functional." "I do not have my strength back 100 percent," Heero said, "but I am satisfied with the progress I have made." "And the headaches?" "Fewer and tolerable." "Anger management?" Heero looked to me for confirmation. "He's no worse than me," I said. We both blew up from time to time. "Your coordination is outstanding," the worker said. "It's quite possible that your memories will continue to return as your neural pathways continue to repair." "I no longer care about those," Heero said. "I have what I need and I only want to look forward now." Mark shook my hand and Heero's. "That's a great attitude to have. My work is done then. I just need you both to sign off on the order. Of course, should you ever have any questions or need anything, give me a call." "Thanks," Heero said. "Consider it a good sign if you don't hear from us." "I will. Goodbye." "You're amazing," I told him. "Your doctors, Mark, they all think so." "How about you?" he asked. Oh, he was begging for attention and approval. His old jock self never got tired of being applauded on the field. Heero wasn't him anymore, but now and then, Heron surfaced. "Oh, you're all right, I guess." "Just all right?" He body slammed me onto the bed. "Just?" I was ready to go down. Let him take me there and then. I loved his power over me. My eyes shut. "Show me," I whispered. And if Wufei hadn't come just then, pounding on the door, to remind me that the lions were roaring for their breakfast, that I had work to do, I might have forgotten I had any other duties than the one to Heero. (o) Duo and Quatre visited every week. It seemed to make Heero happy, so I didn't want to tell them not to, but I was concerned about their setting a pattern that might trigger Lowe's attention onto us. "We are careful," Quatre told us. "We are vigilant. We aren't being followed." Duo added his own brand of clarity. "Our arrivals and departures are executed as clandestinely as overt operations." He seemed to take special joy in telling me this. He and Quatre went to the trouble of driving in separate vehicles and took different, often intricate, routes to get to the circus grounds. They changed clothes en route, hiding telltale hair, and Quatre often drove a different car or borrowed SUV each time. Once they came by motorcycle. Duo drove with a windblown Quatre on back. "Totally cool." On the occasion of their forth visit, Wufei joined us to share in the takeout fried chicken. "I got it!" Duo shouted, jumping to his feet. "Damn it, Duo, you made me drop my fork. Sit down!" Wufei snapped back. Duo didn't. "Heero's memories aren't the only ones returning." "Oh?" Heero seemed amused by that. I don't know why. Duo always made Heero laugh. Duo wheeled about, pointing a finger at Wufei. "It just came to me in a bad dream. You gotta remember me. Think! Dark, cold, rocky floor-" Wufei's face drained of color. "What is it?!" Quatre spoke up. He'd been quiet all evening, possibly because he had a premonition of something dire. If so, he didn't appear to know what the details were. He looked genuinely surprised. "Jail," Wufei whispered. "Right! We were crammed into that stinking cell together." I stared at Wufei as if seeing him for the first time. "You never told me." "I was going to, soon. Catherine knows, has known for some time." Wufei rubbed his face and sighed. "I was an activist who'd escaped L5, before it was attacked." "So was I!" Duo exclaimed. "Only I was fighting for L2 at the time, or trying to." "But you were so young!" Quatre cried out. He knew Duo's history, he said, but the tragedy of lost youth seemed to break his heart. I thought he was a little over the top sensitive, even though I agreed. "Yes." Wufei wiped the grease off his fingers. "I'm still on the run. OZ destroyed my homeland and I came to the circus to hide." Quatre touched his shoulder. "Then you are on our side." "On the side of the colonies? I suppose," Wufei said. "You escaped being used as a child-spy, being forced into a loveless child marriage!" Quatre cried out. "A marriage to anneal two clans and increase my family's power. It was considered an honor. I ran away from that and joined the circus." "You were too young for that kind of responsibility," Quatre said. "The elders shouldn't have pushed so hard. I know something of that myself. If I had been you, I would have done the same." "Being forced to marry some girl? Yeah, that woulda done me in, for sure," Duo added. "You don't understand!" Wufei shouted. "I was weak. I could have stayed and fought." "You probably would have died in the attack." I think he knew that deep down. "I would have died with honor." Heero snorted. "Dead is dead. It hurts, too." "If you are on the run, maybe you shouldn't be staying in one place for so long, and making plans to marry?" Duo said. I did not want Wufei to feel he had that guilt to bear, so I stopped that line of thinking. "Shut the fuck up. You don't know what you're talking about." "Well, then why don't you illuminate us?" Duo retorted. "We... the circus is like a safe haven. There are lots of runaways of all kinds. The governments leave them alone. No one goes hunting for them; in fact, they seem happy to have them out of their hair." "Someday they might. Someday they might look on them as a threat," Duo argued. "I don't know how they could. We have our own rules. We're an independent nation, kinda." "That's actually true," Quatre put in to quell the argument. "The circus is autonomous like a sovereign nation." "In any case," Wufei returned to his story. "The circus has been a good place to hide. No one expected me to go there. When the war had hit my homeland, I lost everyone I'd ever known. I watched members of my clan die." "And you got captured at some point," Duo said. "I did. That was early on. I was used to pass messages out of L5. I wasn't very good at fighting or running at first." "But you got out when the prison was attacked, right?" "Very fortuitous, yes," Wufei said. "I knew I'd fled certain family obligations, including an arranged marriage. With my clan wiped out I couldn't make that up to them anymore, but what I could do is honor of the fallen by fighting in the war for what's left of L5, the other clans." "I hear ya, man," Duo said. "None of us wanted the obligations bestowed upon us, but sometimes they catch up to you. Is that what you want to do? Fight again? A little vengeance, or a lot?" Wufei nodded. "I think we all are passionate about making a difference and want to do something very grand and exciting," Quatre said. Zeal and enthusiasm had motivated Duo and Wufei to run off and join the war effort at a very young age; it impassioned Quatre to make rebellious plans with his army of Maguanacs; and it had inspired Heero and me to want to become fighter pilots. Talk of war and our future took over more and more of our conversations. But what Duo had said got me to thinking about the limits of the circus' power. What if Sanc put its armies on our border and demanded we expel their spies and agents? We had no army. We had just us. And we weren't ready. (o) Heero and I had met with the ringmaster, who acted as the mayor of the circus community. There was a hierarchy in governing body acting for all the circuses, zoos, carnival shows, and places with rides and shows and events all over, and our mayor was in the upper echelons of power. Honestly, I knew practically nothing about the politics of the organization, but having a spokesman with clout was important, I discovered. Heero, we were told, had been officially accepted into the circus community. The ringmaster handed over an official ID card with his name "Heero Yuy" and his address, same as mine. Now he could travel freely throughout the known universe, rent a car, buy airline tickets, anything. He had a home and a name. Heero was very grateful. We thanked the man and he shook both our hands, even though I had nothing to do with it, and then reminded me that he'd be delivering the nuptials when my sister set the date. Oh, yeah, that. One more thing I'd be a part of. "That's them." Heero put away his cell. Quatre and Duo were waiting for us just inside the gate for their weekly visit. Duo held up a large grease-stained bag. "I got goodies!" "Hi, Duo." I had a hard time not liking the guy, even though he monopolized Heero a lot when he visited. "You and me got stuff to do." "We do?" I wondered what Duo had in mind. Quatre warned me that he wanted to speak to Heero alone. "I don't want you to think I'm doing anything to undermine what you and he have. I think it's wonderful. He seems remarkably happy. It's just-" "Just what? "He's changed and I just want to be sure this is what he wants." "You don't think he can be honest if I'm around?" "I don't know," Quatre admitted. "I honestly don't know this Heero Yuy like I knew Heron." "Just remember, I love him. I'll always protect him." "Falling in love despite the limiting parameters, including change? That's admirable, really, Trowa. I think you are a fine person, but think about it from my standpoint: who is it you love? The athlete from before or the patient dependent on you or the new resulting person with a mind and will of his own?" "I never knew Heron. Heero is who I have now." I stared hard making sure he knew I was serious and being as open as possible. "I can't stop you." He touched my arm and smiled. "You could have just then. We won't be long and Duo's been wanting to tour the big cats again." I introduced Duo to the animals I worked with. He loved the tigers because they had "awesome stripes". He didn't pretend; he really did adore the cats and spoke to them in hushed tones. I don't know what he said, but they kept their cat eyes on him. After that it was time for me to get changed for my act. I dropped him off where Heero and Quatre were waiting. Heero smiled at me and touched my hand, mouthing, "Love you." That really helped me keep my head straight during the performance. He wasn't running away to Quatre's house or anything. After my I had finished work for the night, Heero met me just outside the dressing area. "Let's talk before we join the others." "All right." I felt a tingle of anxiety, and then Heero told me about the questioning and his answers. "I told Trowa I'd be talking to you. Asking you things," Quatre began. "What do you want to know?" "This may sound stupid, but it's not-" Duo cut in, "Are you being held captive by the circus?" Without hesitation, Heero replied, "No." Quatre related his observations. "At first Trowa had to do all the communication for you." "Now, I do it all. I can speak again and re-learned how to express myself. I had to learn patience, not expect perfection in myself, while I re-learned how to move, to walk." "And during that time you had to trust Trowa to care for you, so you leaned on him, relied on him." "He saw me at my weakest, my worst." "And you fell in love," Duo capped it off. "We did. Daily exercise and therapy has made me... whole again. They got me my identification card. If I wanted to, I know I could leave." "You could," Quatre agreed. "And if you needed a place to go, you could always find a home with me." "Us," Duo corrected. "Hey, I'm at your place all the time." "Thank you for the offer, Quatre. And someday I hope to visit you. But for now, as long as Odin's out there searching, I will stay here. I'm happy here. It's where I want to be." "You mean that." I didn't pose it as a question to Heero. It seemed more a statement of truth. He tipped his head. I tilted mine just so. Our lips met, matching up perfectly, as if we'd practiced this move a lot. We had, of course. It wasn't a kiss of passion exactly, but it was a bond. Emotions rushed through me: hope, happiness, nameless wonder. "I love you," I told him. "You're getting sappy," he told me, but his eyes spoke of love and promises. "You'll appreciate that tonight." "Oh, yeah," he growled, and I felt the rumble of it deep inside my chest. He called Quatre and told them to see themselves out. I broke out in a sweat when he looked me over and said, "Yeah. Now." We just made it to our caravan with our clothes intact. I stripped off my own shirt while he opened the door. The door slammed shut and shoes, socks, jeans, shorts, shirts all scattered about in about a split second explosion of activity. I had him pushed against the stove while I sucked his length. He moaned and forced my face into his groin. I smelled his sex, his heat, his mustiness. In less time than it took to get undressed, I felt a rush of heat and my mouth filled. I choked and coughed, wondering if I'd ever overcome that damned gag reflex, and then I was being dragged over to the bed, left unmade from our morning romp. Heero mumbled something. I didn't try to understand it or make him repeat. He had me on my knees; I propped up onto my elbows to breathe. I let his hands do the guiding. Strong fingers kneaded my ass, my thighs. He prepared me with Crisco sitting out on a shelf of the open cabinet. Oh, yeah, out of lube. That must have been what he said. His recovery time was about as remarkable as his stamina these days. He was fully erect when he pushed into me. Didn't matter. I was loose and hot for him. When I felt his hand grip me, I must have screamed. I heard a scream and it wasn't his voice. He was repeating, "yeah,ugh, yeah,ugh," which each slam of his hips. "Fuck, yeah!" I would have collapsed with that release but his arms held me, one to my chest, the other clamping onto my hip. He drove into me hard and then I felt his weight on my back, humping, liquid dripping down my thighs. "Jesus!" He pulled out and turned me around, face up. "God, you bottom so hot," he murmured, then covered my mouth with his and kissed my brains out. I woke up an hour later, the sheets and us a sticky, sweaty mess. I would not get a good sleep after that, I knew. I'd be itchy and restless. The tiny shower unit in the caravan wouldn't allow for us both to clean up at the same time, plus I wanted to air out the place, so I made him get up and help me put on the last of the clean sheets and dress enough to make our way to the shower building. It was late and we had it all to ourselves, but we didn't fool around, just got clean and dried off and marched back. Heero had no complaints during this process. He'd gotten his way before; he was satisfied with that. And the bed was far more comfortable clean. "Love you," he said as he flopped face down on the bed. "Now who's the sap?" I replied. I pushed his leg to make more room for me. He was asleep and missed the joke. "Love you, too," I told him anyway, because I felt like it, and it was true. (o) The weeks that followed were the best ones in my whole life. Quatre's talk with Heero seemed to clear the air for all of us, so when they visited the atmosphere was relaxed. Wufei joined us when he could get away, but Catherine didn't. I blamed it on her prejudice against non-circus folk. Wufei said it was nothing more than her letting us boys do our thing. And our thing had become a formulating a plan. "You don't need to wait and apply to the air force and go through years of schooling," Quatre told us. "The Maguanacs will give you on-the-job training immediately." "How do you know this?" Heero asked. "You know they are in the employ of my father." "As his personal guard." "That's just a front for the army they have in the L4 colony. They have been preparing for Khushrenada's takeover of the colonies for years." Quatre turned to Heero. "That data you had of Odin Lowe's on the memory stick?" "I remember that." "It was old and outdated, but Rashid told me it proved just how large the arm buildup was in the eastern territories." "That's near L5," Wufei said. "And colony L1," Quatre said. "Both could be the first to go under attack." "Rashid thinks Khushrenada is going to try and take over the colonies?" I asked. "The Maguanacs are sure of it, Trowa. And before the year is out!" "Then we can't wait for some four year program to get us ready," Heero said. "No," I said regretfully. I had actually looked forward to entering the pilot training and having four years with Heero, having him in my classes, learning to fly. Duo was gung-ho to go the route his boyfriend suggested. "I've had enough of sitting on my ass in a roomful of obnoxious dudes. Done with schoolrooms." Quatre laid out the plan and a timetable, so I could prepare us for leaving the circus. I'd never left the grounds, except to go to high school or to town, never to leave it with no set time to return. There was Heero to get in shape. Physically, Heero was back to normal, nearly, he said, but he wasn't to be in tip-top condition. We worked out on the acrobatic equipment together and he looked strong and coordinated. He helped out on the ropes, moving platforms, and setting up or tearing down sets for the acts. He'd come so far, battled back from the brink of death; everyone admired and liked him, I think. If they didn't, they kept it to themselves. And there was Wufei and Catherine's wedding. I wasn't going to miss that. Surprisingly, to me, it was easy for Wufei to get her to agree to having it soon. It wasn't going to be a big affair and the circus would take care of many of the details once the date was pinned down. "I know what you are planning," Catherine said. She had buttonholed me while I was changing into my costume. "You do?" "Don't play dumb either, little brother. Wufei talks to me even if you don't. Him and his talk of Maguanacs... maniacs, I say! "Oh." "Yeah. Oh." She slapped the back of my head. "You make plans to run away... to join in the revolution and don't tell me!" "I didn't want you to-" "GET UPSET! No way to avoid that!" "I meant I didn't want you to try to talk me out of it." "You're an idiot. All of you. But," and she sniffled a little, "I'm also very proud of you." Of course, I had Wufei to thank for breaking the news to her and for paving the way for her acceptance. She knew it meant he would also leave her, but his idea was to follow us later, to give them a little time of bliss together. They had two weeks. (o :... The Wedding of Wufei and Catherine, as told by Trowa...: o) The ringmaster took charge of the proceedings under the Big Top. No surprise there. He even gave away the bride. I was best man. Even the clowns dressed up. Wufei had invited Duo and Quatre, who were the only non-circus folk there. Everyone else was so dressed up I hardly recognized them, but everyone knew Catherine so everyone attended the exchanging of vows; at least, it seemed that way to me. Folks stood and watched and behind them folding tables circled the tent laden with food and drink, which, again, everyone had had a hand in. I had made supply runs in the truck and Heero had made cookies, tasty ones with lavender glaze. The women were wearing a lot of that color. Even Wufei had on a vest the same shade as the ribbon in my sister's hair, and her flowers. It went by fast, nothing fancy, but my sister beamed happiness. My friend couldn't stop smiling. Once a rare thing, now Wufei smiled and smiled. "So how does it feel to have your best friend part of the family?" Dewy the clown asked me. Immediately I looked to Heero. He was more than my best friend. He felt like family. "He means Wufei," Heero leaned in to say. Of course he did! "It's okay. Nothing really different." I didn't feel it was. What I noticed when it was over, was that my sister was wearing a big-ass ring which had to have cost a mint. And Wufei didn't own a mint. That I knew of. "Congratulations," I told her and gave her a hug. Next came her new husband. The hug I gave him lasted somewhat longer. "That ring. Where did you get that?" I whispered into his ear. He tried pulling away, but I had a hold on his arm he couldn't break. I could swing from a flying trapeze, carrying my weight and one or two other acrobats, so there was no getting away once I had a good grip. So, he tried denial next. "I don't know what you are talking about. Now, let me go." "No. The ring. Did you steal it?" I spoke a little louder. "How dare you?" he hissed, and I squeezed harder and saw him wince. "All right. Stop that! It's my clan ring. Proof of identity." That actually stumped me. "Why give that to her?" "If something... bad... happens to me, she can return that to L5 and... claim my inheritance." "You're a renegade." He'd told me and our other friends that. "I am, but I was also the eldest son of the clan leader of L5, and the last. Now, if you'll let me go we can start the party." I muttered an apology that he brushed away. My friend and brother was a prince of L5. I hadn't put it together before. TBC
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