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"Agglomeration"Written By: The Plotting Housewife Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sotsu
and associated Parties. This work is written for pleasure not profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Humor,
Yaoi, Crack Pairings: 3x4 Summary: Poor
Duo gets dragged into Trowa and Quatre's roleplay. "Overlord " Quatre maneuvered himself through the criss-crossing security laser beams looking like he was engaged in some sort of interpretive dance. His partner-in-crime, Duo, was up in the air shaft securing the bungee cord he'd used to help lower Quatre down to the main floor. He tied it around a steel beam and glanced down to see how his partner was doing. Quatre was only a few feet away from their prize now. An eleventh century Samurai sword encrusted with rubies and emeralds that was used by their client's ancestor during the Song Dynasty. Emperor Chang Wufei had summoned the two world-renowned thieves and told them that his prized heirloom had been stolen by the neighboring ruler, Trowa Barton. The sword now stood in the central most region of the Russian lord's mansion, guarded by state-of-the-art booby traps and armed guards. Quatre chuckled as he stepped over the unconscious body of one of the guards and shook his head. It had been a cinch to disable them. A dropped bottle of ether had done the trick. It was almost too easy. He reached the platform, breathing steadily through his gas mask as he reached nimble fingers in between the tight grid of electric beams, careful not to singe his hand. Okay, almost there. His hand closed around the steel sheath. Just a little more and we're home free - shit! The floor opened up and the pedestal descended down through the trap door as alarms went off at ear-piercing decibels. "Ah, shit!" He grabbed the sword before it could disappear beneath the floor, cringing at the painful volume of the alarms. Damn, that was loud! He glanced up at Duo who had his eyes squeezed shut and his hands over his ears. "What are you waiting for? Pull me up, you idiot!" Duo couldn't even hear him over the shrieking sound and Quatre began to panic as a few of the guards started to come around. Luckily, they were too distracted by the alarms to do much of anything, curling up on the floor, clutching their heads. Quatre hollered at the top of his lungs and Duo finally opened his eyes. "Pull me up!" Duo got the picture and yanked on the rope. Quatre held on to the sword for dear life as his feet finally lifted off the floor. He was halfway through the vent when more guards showed up and his kicking legs nearly took a few bullets. Duo grabbed them and helped Quatre swing them up into the shaft. Quatre looped the sword's sheath strap over his back and together they crawled through the ventilation system, narrowly dodging bullets as they pierced through the steel panels. Duo shouted in pain as he was grazed in the leg, curling up around himself. "Oh no you don't!" Quatre grabbed his arms, pulling him along. He glanced back long enough to see the wound was bleeding profusely and he cursed. He'd have to take care of that as soon as possible. Unfortunately, there was no safe place to go but up and he dragged Duo along behind him as they made their way through the maze of ducts until they reached the roof. Quatre popped the vent open and climbed out, then reached in for Duo. He quickly checked over the wound. Nothing life-threatening, but it was a bleeder. He tore off his sleeve and tied it around the injury, pulling tight to staunch the flow. Duo yelped at the sudden pressure. "Goddamn, I knew we should have retired." Quatre scoffed, "Oh, bullshit. I was kidding when I said that and you wouldn't retire from this if your life depended on it." "Well, it's depending on it and I'm rethinking my life choices." "Don't be such a baby. It's only a flesh wound." "Says the one who wasn't shot." Quatre tried not to roll his eyes. "Okay, we've gotta find a way down from here. You got the rope?" Duo shot him an uneasy smile. "Eh-heh. Yeah. About that..." "Damn it, Duo!" "Sorry! We were in a hurry. I didn't have time to untie it." Quatre crawled over to the edge and peeked over, stomach plummeting at the cliff-side drop. "Well, we're not going down this way." He glanced over at Duo. "Can you walk?" Duo tested his weight on his injured leg. "Uh, I think so - ouch! Okay, this might be a problem." "Well, you're going to have to try because I'm not carrying you." He helped Duo up and wrapped his arm around his waist, looping the wounded man's arm over his shoulder. "Good?" "Ah...yeah, I think so." "Good. There's a big tree over there. The branches are close enough to the roof that I think we can use it to climb down. You up to it?" "Aw, damn, Quat. I don't know if I can." He sighed. "Go on without me. Save yourself!" "Don't be such a drama queen, Jesus." Quatre dragged him over to the tree and glanced down. The ground below was clear. Where the hell did everybody go? This was definitely too easy. "Okay, I'm going to help you climb over. Just...sit down on the tree limb as soon as you can. You can shimmy down from there." "Got it." Quatre helped ease him over. Duo grabbed the branch above his head and tested the give of the tree limb with his good leg. He slowly slid his foot across the branch, then pulled his injured leg over and clung to the tree like a spider monkey. Quatre snickered. "Hey! No laughing from the peanut gallery." Quatre climbed over next, watching Duo closely to make sure he didn't lose his balance. "Steady now. Take it slow." "Gee, like I didn't know that." "Don't be a smart ass." They inched their way down the tree, keeping a close eye out for any guards. Still, there were none. The whole place was ominously silent and Quatre cursed under his breath. Something was very wrong here. Halfway down, Duo slipped, but Quatre grabbed his arm, his own shoulder nearly dislocating in the process. He held on tight and waited for Duo to get his footing back. Close to the bottom, Quatre told him to stop. "Let me get down first and I'll help you. I don't want you jumping on that leg." "You're a good friend." "Damn right I am," Quatre muttered, jumping down from the lowest branch. He adjusted the sword on his back as he glanced around. Still nothing. He shrugged and reached up, grasping Duo's legs as he slid off the branch and carefully lowered him to the ground. He'd just gotten Duo's arm around his shoulder again when a gruff voice behind them barked, "Halt!" "Goddamnit." Quatre pulled at the chains around his wrists as he lamented his career choice. What a load of dragon dung. He sighed and dropped his head back onto the headrest of the chair he was chained to and waited to see what would happen next. A snore next to him made him turn his head sharply. "Duo! Wake up!" "Hnnn - wha?" He blinked over at Quatre. "Whazzit?" Quatre shook his head and looked straight ahead. Maybe it was time to retire. The door opened and the two straightened up as a tall, regal-looking man with brown hair and broad shoulders walked in. He said nothing as he grabbed a chair identical to the ones they were sitting on and sat down across from them. Quatre's breath hitched as a pair of striking green eyes landed on him, gazing at him with an intensity that made him shift uncomfortably. His silence was unnerving. To both of them apparently because Duo cleared his throat. "Yeah, uh...hi. Yeah, we're just going to take that sword back that you stole from Emperor Chang and be on our way. If, you know, that's alright." Quatre rolled his eyes as the Russian lord raised an elegant brow. "That I stole?" Duo looked at him like he was a few tools short of a full shed. "Yeaaahhhh...?" Lord Barton leaned back in his chair and crossed delightfully long legs. Quatre bit his lip as his eyes were drawn to them. Goddamn, but he's fine, he thought. Then he kicked himself because now was not the time. Barton's eyes shifted to Duo, then back to Quatre and Quatre couldn't help but picture himself lying naked and ravished beneath this beautiful overlord. He bit his tongue and looked away, trying to think unsexy thoughts. "That sword has been in my family for centuries. It was stolen from me. I simply took it back." The two thieves glanced at each other. Well, this was a new development. "But - Emperor Chang -" "Is lying." Duo fixed him with a dubious look, "How do we know you're not lying?" Instead of answering, Lord Barton simply pointed to a large portrait that sat over a stone fireplace. It was an old painting, from the Common Era from the looks of it. An aristocrat that looked ironically similar to Lord Barton sat upon a golden chair and in his hands was the exact same sword. Lord Barton drummed long, tapered fingers on his knee. "So, you see. It is mine. It's always been mine." Duo glanced at Quatre, then back at Barton. "Ohhhhh...well. I feel sheepish. How 'bout you, Quat?" But Quatre was speechless, breathless at the look Barton was giving him. He nodded dumbly. "Well!" Duo tried to throw his hands up, but couldn't because of the chains. He dropped them back onto his lap. "I can see this has all been one giant misunderstanding. So, how's about you undo these chains and we'll be on our way." "No." They both gaped. "Excuse me?" said Quatre. "I said, no." "But, it was a mistake!" Duo argued. "We didn't know it was yours. We were sent by Emperor Chang to retrieve it. We thought you stole it from him." Barton's eyes were eerily calm, his voice soft, but commanding when he spoke. "You still broke into my compound and took something that didn't belong to you. There must be a price to be paid for that." Quatre blinked at him. "What do you want?" Barton got up from his chair and walked around behind him, then bent down until his mouth rested against his ear. "I'll let your friend go if you agree to warm my bed for a year." Quatre choked and Duo protested loudly. "No fucking way! I'm not going anywhere without him. He is not a sex slave!" "Duo -" "And furthermore, what the hell kind of century are you living in? This ain't the dark ages, man. You can't just -" "Duo -" " - kind of barbaric, cyclops, sociopathic sicko are you -" "Duo!" "What?" "It's okay." Duo looked at him like he'd grown horns. "What do you mean 'it's okay'?" Quatre shot him a firm look. "It's fine." He leaned his head back, looking upside down at Barton. "I'll do it. Just let him go." "Quat!" "Quiet, Duo." Barton stared down at him and Quatre shivered with arousal at the dark gleam in those green eyes. Fleeting visions of painful pleasure and white hot ecstasy assaulted his mind and he almost embarrassed himself by moaning. He bit down on his tongue and smiled over at Duo. "It's really okay. I'll be fine." "What makes you so sure?" Lord Barton asked. Quatre turned a heady, lust-filled gaze on him and smirked. Yes, it was definitely time for a different career path. "I just know." Duo groaned, exasperated. "Oh, Jesus. Can I go now? Fei's making Kung Pow Chicken and I really don't want to be here when you two start going at it."
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