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" I should have Known "Written By: Helen
Warnings: Heero POV, Angst Pairings: 1+2 Spoilers: None Archives: Rating: PG? Author's Notes: Fic # 8. The lyrics are incredible.
For some reason, I can't help but think of Akuma's "Te Amo"
every time I hear it (or read the translations... whichever... ^^;;)
To me, they're really moving and I promised myself I would write a
fic based on it. I must admit the translations could be a bit better
but, even that can't take away the meaning of the song. Special Thanks: My ultra-fast beta Deb!! *glomps*
Thank you thank you for being my number one beta!! Dedication: I just gotta dedicate this to Akuma
for writing one of the most wonderful fics I've ever read, "Te
Amo" (not that I don't adore *all* her other fics ^_~). Like
I said this song reminds me of it every time. Special Notes: Songfic Notes:
I Should Have Known
The light breeze gently ruffles my hair as sakuras float softly down to earth. I turn and I can feel the smile upon my face. Because in distance, I see him. 'Duo...' His backs to me but the chestnut braid unmistakable. My eyes grow damp as I start forth towards him. Closer to him... 'He is here...' The long twine of hair resting against his back pendulous with the gust of wind. And I keep walking... 'Duo is here.' Walking faster and faster. He turns around slowly and I meet his eyes. His... sad eyes. It seems that... something is pulling him. Pulling him away. 'No...' Alarm grips me as realization hits. I quicken my pace. 'Duo.' Jogging. Running. Sprinting. 'Don't leave!' Farther and farther... 'Duo!!!' Lost in the whirlwind of flower petals... 'Don't leave me...' Lost in the light... 'Duo...' I blink, finally returning to reality and becoming aware of my surroundings once again. The delicate raindrops outside, hitting the window softly and me in my bedroom. Glancing over at the clock, it tells me over 3 hours have passed. Three hours... just nothing more than time wasted. Day after day, night after night, I would sit here with the diary opened to the blotted letters //m lea//, run my fingers over the dry evidence of sorrow, and stare blankly. Vacantly. Sometimes the diary. Sometimes the wall. Sometimes nothing... It's been almost 2 weeks since he departed. He hasn't called. Perhaps impossible because of the time difference. After all, 12 hours is a big difference. Occasionally I receive letters but... I want to hear his voice. 'I miss him...' Looking out the window, the light drizzle that was falling has stopped. Blinking slowly, I come to a decision... to go back to the park with the sakura trees. Call it wishful thinking... Walking there swiftly, I think back on that day he first brought me here. Him with me.... by my side. I had hoped that he would stay forever. Who would have thought the day of separation would come? ~*~*~*~*~ People. There are so many people. What are they are doing here? This is not their place. This is ours. Mine... and Duo's. I want to shout, to tell them to leave but I couldn't. It is meaningless without Duo here. [toorisugiru I blink hard as my eyes fill with the familiar fluid. These people, they are what I want to be... hope to be... wish to be... with Duo. I want to laugh like them and... and to be loved like them. Why can't I? Because he's not here. There is no want, hope, or wish. Because it'll never happen... I walk away... leaving the park behind me. [ameagari no Bustling people, but I'm in my own world. I cannot hear them, I cannot see them. People bump against me but I take no notice. Duo is gone, and now the one place where I can truly be with him again is gone as well. No longer mine. No longer ours. The distance between me and the park continues to grow. [soba ni ~*~*~*~*~ Night falls upon me like a soft blanket but I continue to wander, trying to keep my tears... my pain inside. There is no more meaning left. I thought that just because Duo was my neighbor for over a year, he would continue to be... or be something more. But... [sonna koto wakatte-ita hazu Gripping the front of my apparel with my clasped fist, my eyes close tightly as my mind desperately wishes to be taken back into the quiet comforts that solitude has once offered me. The detachment. The isolation. The... the loneliness... [kurushimu koto] 'No... I... I won't. I won't forget.' [setsunai ne wakatte-iru no ni 'No matter how much it hurts...' Loosing the tight hold on my clothing, I slowly return home. Passing by the park one last time. [konna ni ~*~*~*~*~ [donna toki mo I open my eyes slowly against the sunlight penetrating through the thin layer of thread fluttering gently in the wind. 'Morning... so soon?' I roll over onto my back, my hand covering my eyes from the aurora of light. The harshness of reality returns like it had so many dawns before. I have yet to accept it. I have yet to let go. [osaete-ita 'I can't... Duo, I can't. I won't...' Tears burn behind my eyelids. I shut them tightly... angrily. Hands clench, nails biting into my palms as the moisture flows out, branching out into tiny rivulets down my face. [kurushii no] The sun had long moved away from the window before I roll to my side, taking no notice of the dampened spot under my cheek. Drained and yet still unable to cry myself tearless. [watashi ni wa wakatte-ita hazu] So many chances. Now no more. Life is full of risks. Why didn't I just take one? Just one. Surely it cannot be as painful as this... an aching heart constricting with every beat, spreading nothing but afflictive misery through the bloodstream, only to have it spring back through the veins. Everything hurts... [demo ima wa taisetsu na omoi Love hurts... especially the kind of love that is kept inside. Never offered, therefore never returned. [watashi ni wa wakatte-ita hazu] I just can't anymore. Resolve spreads through me, and clutching onto it I arise from the bed toward my writing desk, where paper lay scattered and a pen was thrown carelessly days before. [demo ima wa taisetsu na omoi] Picking up the supine pen, I touch it to the thin material. [watashi dake ga mieru hontou 'Dear Duo...' [aishi-tsudzukeru] Owari Author's Note: *wipes tear* Did I mention that I loved this song?
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