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"That Which was Lost"Written By: Gypsie 1201
Warnings: Angst, mild Relena-bashing, Sap Rating: PG Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of
its characters, nor will I make any money from the creation of this
story. Feedback: All is welcome and much appreciated. Summary: A friendship lost and a second chance on an early Christmas morning.
"That Which was Lost "
Breathing out yet another heavy sigh, Duo Maxwell allowed himself to contemplate just what he would do now. Not for the first time that night, he thought about going home to the soft warm bed he knew was waiting for him. Maybe drink a hot cup of cocoa first to banish the chill that had settled into his bones several hours ago, then just wrap up in his oversized, down feather comforter with his tabby cat, Shadow, curled up at his back. It was the thought of the small, gray striped cat, who had unexpectedly adopted him nearly a year ago, sitting at home and waiting for her evening dinner that nearly had him moving from beneath his borrowed drop cloth cocoon. He did not go very far though before he remember just what had sent him running in the first place, and with a shudder that had nothing to do with the chill of the room, he pulled the white cloth tightly around himself once again. It had happened at the Preventer’s Christmas party earlier that evening, or more like the night before since by then it was past midnight and well into early morning; Christmas morning. The party itself had gone very well, given its size. Once again, Quatre Winner, Duo best friend, full-time businessman and part-time Preventer agent, had offered to host the party at his home just outside of the city limits and everyone who was not on duty at the time had attended. Lady Une had arrived with Mariamaia Barton in tow, both dressed impeccable given their station; the Lady had even left her hair down for the occasion. Milliardo Peacecraft and his new wife Lucrezia Noin, freshly returned from their honeymoon, had made a grand entrance to the applause of the guests already gathered, many wishing them luck and happiness in the future. And of course, Chang Wufei and Sally Po, who received nearly as many well wished as Milliardo and Lucrezia even though they had not yet taken that final step; everyone knew is was only a matter of time though. The last to arrive, but certainly not least, had been Vice Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft, making her entrance in the style befitting a princess. Dressed in a flowing ball gown with her hair gracefully pulled up to show off her neckline, the blonde-haired woman drew every eye in the room when she passed through the main archway. But it was not her that Duo saw at that moment, it was the man standing at her side that had caught his attention. And not even the fact that he had known weeks in advance that Heero Yuy would be escorting Relena to the party could keep Duo’s heart from twisting just a tiny bit at seeing them together. Duo was not even sure when his feelings for his taciturn partner changed; it was not like he could look back and see when the little things they did together, the little things they shared, had become so much more. They had been friends for years now, ever since the first Eve War, and as friends, they usually did things together outside of work. Going to the movies or out for a drink on a Friday night was a regular thing for them, something that the braided man never thought twice about. But what he did know was the exact moment when he realized his feeling had changed. It had been a normal day at headquarters. He and Heero had just returned from a reconnaissance mission for their latest case and they were both gathered around one of the large conference tables going over all the information they had so far. The case was not anything big, just a small time arms ring that was thought to be supply guns to kids in the inner city. However, they already had one death because of the weapons; a ten-year-old boy had accidentally gunned down his best friend. The boy had been in such a state of shock when the police had brought him in that the two Preventer agents had had quite a time trying to figure out exactly what had happened. But when the boy finally calmed down enough to tell them that he had bought the gun from a man on his street for a few dollars, both Heero and Duo had known they were dealing with trouble. It has taken some creative detective work after that to find out exactly what that trouble was, but a week later they had a good idea of how and why the guns were being moved. They just needed to see if they were right, which was why they were on the reconnaissance mission in the first place, and it had turned out big time. That just left them with putting everything together in a cohesive report to present to Lady Une for her go ahead to bring the ring down. As could be expected from two adrenaline junkies, hyped with anticipation of the upcoming strike, they had been bumping into each all night long in their rush to put all the evidence together. Of course, that was nothing new for them either since their planning sessions always went that way; one reaching over the other to grab a photo or typed statement, their bodies rubbing and sliding together without any real thought except the possible outcomes of their attack and the anticipation of bringing down another menace. That night though, something did happen. Duo was bent over the table examining one of the photos they had taken during the stake out of the dealers unloading a van. The braided agent was trying to discern the name on the crate two of the dealers were carrying when Heero suddenly leaned completely over his prone body to grab a witness statement they had taken just a few days prior. For Duo, the contact was like lightning and he could literally feel his heart stutter step in his chest even as his breathe caught painfully in his throat. Never before had he felt anything like that, at least not with Heero, and for one long moment he had found himself completely frozen in place. Luckily, at least in Duo’s mind, his paralysis only last a split second and Heero never noticed a thing. Instead, they continued putting the finishing touches on their mission plan like nothing had happened, business as usual. But the violet-eyed man could feel something was different between them then, at least from his side of things, and it did not take him but a few days afterwards to realize just what that difference was. Falling in love with the one person he could never have though, was not something Duo was willing to allow himself to do and so he fought it. Unfortunately, once the heart has set its sights one something, or someone, it is more than just difficult to change its mind, it is damn near impossible, a lesson that the violet-eyed man learned the hard way. Now, six months later, Duo realized he should never have even tried. In that time, he had managed to put such a strain on his and Heero’s working relationship that they were actually having trouble dealing with each other. As for their friendship, well, it was fairly non-existent. No more nights out together and no more days spent at the gym together either. It was like they were slowly becoming strangers and with every day that passed and the gulf between them widened, Duo had seen Heero and Relena grow closer. As if his inability to deal with his unwanted feeling were actually driving the two of them together and while that thought had nearly broken him on more than one occasion, it had also only caused him to fight it even harder. Unfortunately, or fortunately for the braided Preventer, his actions did not go unnoticed and when Quatre Winner decided to get to the bottom of a problem between his friends, the blonde was nearly always successful. He had cornered Duo during lunch one day and managed to drag the entire truth of out him after a couple hours of threats and pleas. It was the first time the longhaired man had admitted the fact aloud, even to himself, and he had been more than just a little bit stunned to hear the words leave his mouth. He had been even more stunned though by the soft smile that Quatre had given him, along with the look in his eye that said he had already known what was going on, he just wanted Duo to admit it. “I’ve been acting like an idiot, haven’t I?” he had asked his friend, ducking his head in embarrassment as the reality of the situation settled in. “Yes, you have.” Quatre had answered, giving him another soft smile before reaching over to ruffle the braided man’s bangs. “Now fix it.” And he had tried. He had started asking Heero to do things again, just little things like going to the gym or out to lunch. Unfortunately, the blue-eyed man always seemed to have plans already, plans with Relena, and Duo would be left to watch the man walk away time after time. He had even asked Heero to the Christmas party, as friends of course, but Relena had already asked and Duo was once again left out. He had not been ready to give up though, not by a long shot. He had gotten himself into the mess and he was prepared to keep trying for as long as it took to get Heero to see him again. Or, at least that’s what he told himself as he was getting ready for the party that evening and had been telling himself with up to the moment he had seen the two of them walking into the ballroom at Quatre’s house arm in arm. It was the first time he had ever actually seen them together and the way they just seemed to fit caused his dreams to die right then and there. The fact that he only had himself to blame for it did not help matters either. He had not stuck around long after that, or at least, he had tried not to stick around, but Quatre had caught him before he could make his rather quiet exit. As it turned out, the blonde man had been shadowing him from the moment Heero and Relena had arrived for that very reason. He had seen the look on the braided man’s face and had known Duo would try to run. Quatre was not about to let that happen though and as Duo made his way down the hall toward the back entrance to the house, the blue-eyed man has been waiting. “And where, pray tell, do you think you’re going?” Quatre had asked from where he was hidden behind a pillar, drawing a rather undignified squawk from his braided friend. “Dammit, Quat, that’s not funny.” Duo had snapped, spinning to give the scowling blonde a blistering glare. “Neither is sneaking out of my party.” Quatre had countered even as he stepped forward, placing himself between Duo and his exit route. “Especially without even saying goodbye to your friends.” “I waved.” the violet-eyed man huffed. “Yeah, I know, that’s how I knew you were making a run for it.” “I wasn’t running.” “Then what do you call it.” “Strategic retreat.” “Duo.” Quatre sighed, the sound so full of disappointment that Duo could not help but hang his head in shame. “It’s better this way, Quat.” the braided man stated softly. “I pushed him away all on my own and now he’s happy with her. I don’t want to ruin that for him.” “What about your happiness?” Quatre questioned just as softly, earning him a crocked smile from that gamine face. “I’ll be alright.” Duo said. “You know me, I always bounce back.” “Maybe, but what about work? Can you keep working with him as a partner knowing how you feel?” “Um, well,” Duo said with a half-hearted and self-deprecating laugh even as he slipped a hand into the hair at the back of his head. “that’s the thing, I was thinking that maybe it’s time for a change.” “Duo--“ “I haven’t been back to L2 for a while and Hilde keeps asking when I’m going to stop playing cops and robbers and come help her out at the salvage yard. And who knows, maybe that’s what I need.” “You don’t love Hilde, Duo, not like she wants.” “No, but if I try hard enough I might be able to.” Duo sighed. “Besides, it’s not like I can tell Heero I love him, now is it.” The startled gasp that sounded from behind the two following that admission caused them both to jump and spin around only to find not only the subject of Duo’s words standing there, but also his blonde escort. And in fact, it was from said escort that the gasp had come from and from the look in Relena’s eyes as well as the angry flush that had colored her cheeks, Duo knew they had heard just what he had said. “Um, hey Heero, Relena.” Duo said with a less than bright smile, his words tripping over themselves even as he took a few steps backwards in search of an exit. “Didn’t see the two of you there. Guess you were looking for Quatre, huh. Well, I’ll just leave the three of you to talk. I’m sure you have important business to take care of and all. Take care.” And with that, Duo turned on his heals and hurried away before any of them could say anything to stop him. Through the rather large house that he knew as well as his own small apartment and out the backdoor situated in the kitchen, Duo did not stop once. However, instead of heading home, where he knew Quatre would look for him first, he had headed out across his friend’s property on foot. Quatre had mentioned just the other day that his neighbors were off to some tropical island for the duration of the winter, leaving their house buckled down and closed up until their return. And at the time, with his mind still reeling from his inadvertent confession, it had seemed like the perfect place to hide for a few hours, just until he could figure out his next move. Unfortunately, a few hours had turned into several hours and he had been more than grateful for the small stack of firewood the owners had left behind in the fireplace, along with the drop cloth he had stolen from one of the large, overstuffed chairs that ringed the room. Even several hours later though, he was no closer to a decision but he knew he could not stay there forever, not if he did not want to freeze to death or have his cat disown him at least. Breathing a heavy sigh that caused a puff of misty air to cloud his face, the braided man let his head fall heavily down onto his chest. “I’ve really fucked this up royally.” he whispered. “That you have.” a voice said from directly behind him, bringing another startled yelp from him as he spun around, nearly falling backwards into the fire in the process. “Heero.” he squeaked a second later when the blue-eyed man detached himself from the shadows ringing the firelight and approached him, not stopping until he was sitting beside the braided man in front of the fire. For Duo’s part, he found himself complete frozen in place at the appearance of the other man and could only stare for the longest moment. Then, snapping himself out of his shock as the cold began to slowly creep back into him, making him shiver, he pulled the cloth tight around himself once again before turning back to the fire. “How did you find me?” he asked after a few more moments of silence. “It’s snowing outside.” Heero answered with a shrug of his shoulder. “I followed your footsteps until they disappeared into the forest. I tried finding them again, but the snow cover wasn’t enough in there. Took me a while to remember what Quatre said about his neighbors being gone for the winter and I knew their house was in this direction so I followed a hunch.” “You mean you’ve been outside looking for me all this time?” Duo asked in wonder. “Without a coat? It’s freezing outside, Heero.” “As long as I kept moving I didn’t really notice.” “But, why?” “I should ask you the same thing.” Heero countered and for the first time since he had sat down at the fire, he turned his head and speared the braided man was an intense look. “What do you mean?” Duo asked with a nervous laugh. “You know what I mean.” “Plausible deniability?” “Duo.” Heero growled. “Would it have mattered?” Duo answered softly as he turned back to the fire and burrowed deeper into his nest of white cloth. For a long moment, the only sound between the two men was once again the soft crack and pop of the fire. Then, his voice soft in the darkness of the room, Heero finally said, “You were my best friend. At least I thought you were and then, all of a sudden, you weren’t anymore.” The flinch his words drew from the longhaired man gave Heero only a moment’s satisfaction before he continued, “At first, I couldn’t understand what I’d done wrong and since you wouldn’t talk to me to tell me, I started coming up with my own reasons. They made it easier to let it go. And, of course, Relena was there too, filling that space in my life that you’d left.” “’Ro, I--“ “I would’ve never guessed that that was the reason you walked away from me though.” the blue-eyed man said with a shake of his head. “I always thought you and Hilde were going to get together.” “If she had her wish, we would.” Duo answered with a rueful smile. “I just can’t see her that way, you know?” “Relena’s the same way.” Heero chuckled. “She’s been hinting about marriage and kids for the past month. I’ve become very good at changing the subject.” “I’m kinda surprised she hasn’t already set the date and ordered the flowers, even without your consent.” Duo laughed back, feeling a lightness in his chest that he had not felt in a very long time. Not since the last time he had spent time with Heero. “Oh, I’m sure she’s made more plans than she’s let on, but she knows she can’t take it too far without my agreement.” “I hope you’re right, ‘Ro.” Duo chuckled as he shifted forward a bit to stoke the fire. “Knowing her, you’ll probably wake up one day and be married without even knowing it.” Shaking his head, Heero let himself listen to Duo laugh for a moment, a soft smile gracing his lips at hearing the sound he had not heard for quite some time now. But after a few minutes, the violet-eyed man’s laughter faded and they were once again surrounded by silence; a less tense silence, but a silence none-the-less. “I really screwed up, didn’t I?” Duo asked after several minutes had passed and Heero still had not left. “Yeah, you did.” Heero answered and this time, when Duo’s head dropped down in shame, it was not satisfaction that he felt, but a deep longing that he was not ready to look at yet, not until he knew it was safe to do so. “But lucky for you, I know how stubborn and hard-headed you are.” he finished and was rewarded with Duo’s wide, incredulous eyes when that chestnut-covered head snapped up. “Does that mean…?” “It means that I’m giving you another chance.” Heero confirmed as he pushed himself up from the cold floor. “But what if I--“ “You won’t.” the dark-haired man stated even as he offered his hand to Duo. “I know you better than anyone else and I know you’d never make the same mistake twice.” For a long moment, Duo stared between the outstretched hand and Heero deep blue eyes that he could just barely see with the glow of the fire. He knew in his heart that things were far from fixed between them and that it would take a lot of time to rebuild the trust that he threw away in his inability to deal with his feelings. He also knew that his feelings for Heero had not changed either and that while the blue-eyed man had very clearly offered his friendship, he had said nothing about anything more. In fact, Duo could not be sure how Heero truly felt about him at that point. But either way, if he accepted the hand for what it was, he would also have to accept his feelings for what they were and accept the fact that they might never be returned. The question was, could he live with Heero’s friendship only. Reaching out, Duo grasp Heero’s hand with his own and let the man pull him up from his spot before the fire, the white drop cloth falling around him as he stood. They still had a long way to go in rebuilding what they had lost, but they would get there, one step at a time. END
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