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"Can't Have It All "Written By: Dragonmistress_7 Disclaimer: I don't own the Gundam Wing Boys. Summary: A single night of comfort turns into
Relena's lifetime commitment to the children who came of it, but when
their father's identity comes out, it's hard to see where other important
people in their lives will fit into this strange picture, and if,
somehow, they can all become a family.
Can't Have It All
Chapter 16
“It’s time to talk. I feel like I need to explain myself,” Duo began. “I don’t know if you can ever forgive me for not taking responsibility, and I certainly don’t want to make excuses. There is no excuse. I see that, now.” Relena looked at Wufei, who gave her a tiny smile of encouragement, and led her to the loveseat opposite the two men. Then both turned eyes on Duo expectantly. Duo had long since realized that he was no poet. He would never be able to fully express his thoughts and their ramifications. He could only do his best, so he told them, as simply as he could, what had been going on in his mind more than two years before. “I was afraid. I didn’t want them to die. I knew that, if I let them in, they’d be taken away. I know it isn’t a logical way of looking at things, but fear has no logic.” Heero put a comforting hand on his knee, but the other two looked blankly at him. Duo took a deep breath and started again, looking at Relena. “When you made the announcement that you were pregnant, I was a mess. I was confused, amazed, and a little hurt that you didn’t come to me before telling the world. But I still planned to go talk to you, to work something out. That was my very first thought. Then, I remembered that I could never do that. Because if you had my children, I would love them. And they would never be safe, then.” “I don’t understand,” Wufei interjected. “Why would anyone be in danger because of you?” “When I was a kid, on L2, everybody died. My mother, my best friend, the people at the church where I was raised. I began to believe that everyone I loved would die on me. Everyone who was mine was taken away. So I couldn’t love anymore. I couldn’t have anyone. Ever.” “That didn’t stop you from pursuing a relationship with Yuy,” Wufei pointed out. “It took me a long time to get past that, and the
only reason I ever did was because…it was different for Heero,”
Duo explained. “Death couldn’t get him. It tried so many
times, but it couldn’t. But them…they were just babies.
They were defenseless, and I was so afraid. It- it would kill me if
something happened to them. So I convinced myself that they Wufei desperately wanted to say something, to lash out at this person who had hurt Relena, caused her so much pain and grief, but knew that it wouldn’t help. He didn’t want to be accused of starting trouble. Relena, however, didn’t seem to need any help in that area. Her eyes flashed just a bit as she said, “So they were mine, and only mine, like I was the second virgin mother, which makes so much more sense.” Duo’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What? You say that like I made that decision alone! I didn’t exactly see you tracking me down, either. You faced down the world, all by yourself because you didn’t need anybody else and screw you very much to anybody who suggested otherwise.” “You aren’t the only one who has the right
to be afraid, you know,” Relena Heero jumped in at this point, which was Wufei’s cue to do the same, and in a moment they were all arguing until nobody could understand what anyone else was trying to say. “Wait, wait. Just stop a minute,” Duo said, putting his hands up for the attention of the others. “None of this is what I wanted to say at all. So, I’m going to say what I intended to say, and then anyone else can say what they please, but I’m done arguing.” He stood and crossed to the loveseat. Wufei tensed before he could stop himself when his friend stood over Relena, only to relax a bit when he dropped to sit on his heels before her. Duo took Relena’s hands in his own and looked into her eyes. “You are one of my very, very best friends. I’m
sorry that I forgot that. I have never wanted to hurt you, but I did,
and I’m sorry for that, too. And I’m sorry that I was too
selfish and afraid to handle this situation like an adult. I made
some mistakes, and I want to make up for them, but more than that,
I love all of you. That may be the only thing I didn’t make a
mistake about. Can you ever forgive me? Will you give me another Relena almost bristled again, but she looked into his sincere eyes and felt all of the anger drain out of her. Her mind was assaulted with images of Duo, making her laugh, forcing her away from work before she burned herself out, making awful faces as he changed dirty diapers. She could pretend all she wanted that he was the bad guy, that he had been the only one who was wrong, but that didn’t make it true. Truth be told, Duo’s sins were no greater than her own. Considering she’d left like a thief in the night and taken his children with her, in some ways, they were less. She squeezed Duo’s hands and smiled at him. “Of course I forgive you. Now it’s my turn. I’m sorry I didn’t communicate what I needed from you, and that I shut you out from the beginning. I’m sorry I left and avoided you so long without even letting you know we were okay. I want us to be friends again, without having any of this hanging between us. Will you forgive me?” Duo pulled his friend into an embrace, his heart feeling light for the first time in a very long time. “I already have,” he whispered, hugging her closely. It was so good to have her back. ~*~ Wufei sat at his desk, reading. It had been quite a while since he had devoted his life to scholarly pursuits, but some habits die hard, and the enjoyment of a good book was one of them. Aiko and Kyoko were playing nearby, relatively quietly, but not the kind of quiet that Wufei had quickly learned meant trouble. The others were out, about their business, trying to straighten some of the mess that their unexpected traveling had made of other aspects of their lives. So Wufei got to be the babysitter. Only a few weeks ago, there would have been no way to convince him to watch after the pair. Strange, how it didn’t seem like a big deal now. He felt a little hand on his knee, and looked down into the innocent blue eyes of Aiko. She lifted her arms. “Up,” she asked sweetly. Wufei lifted her to sit on his knee, but that wasn’t good enough. Balancing carefully, the toddler climbed up until her arms could go around his neck. “Kisses,” she said, matter-of-factly. “What?” he asked, unsure he’d understood her correctly. “Kisses,” she repeated, completely patient. When he didn’t move, she leaned forward and placed a slightly sticky kiss on his cheek. Then she laughed, and swiftly got down to rejoin her twin. Wufei smiled and was about to take up his book again when he heard a small sound outside. Though it was probably nothing, years of training wouldn’t let him ignore it. Instead of leaving the children, which would be very foolish if something really was wrong, he went and took Kyoko by the hand, telling Aiko to hold hands with her sister. He brought them to stand beside him as he lifted down an ornamental sword from its place on the wall. He was just shaking his head at his own over-cautious behavior when there was a shout outside, and suddenly his front and back doors burst open simultaneously. Men, armed men, where rushing into his home. Wufei pushed the girls behind him and stood, grimly, waiting for the bullet that would end his life. He had nothing but his life and a sword to protect the children with, and he doubted the men would get close enough for the latter to do any good. “Area secure,” he heard one of the men say. “One male adult, Chinese, and the two children are the only people in the house.” “Do you have the children in custody?” a voice asked. “That’s the thing, sir. The man is standing between us and them. He has a sword, and the look of a man who knows how to use it. Our orders are to avoid bodily harm when possible. How shall we proceed?” There was a long moment of silence. “There is a man, with a sword, protecting the children?” The tone was vaguely amused. “Affirmative,” the same man replied. “What would it take to get them away from him? Could you overpower him without shooting him?” The man looked at Wufei speculatively. By this time, the sword was naked in his hand, the scabbard at his feet. Wufei smiled grimly. “Please, by all means, try it.” The man looked another long moment, taking measure of Wufei. At last, slowly, he said, “Negative, sir. We’d come back in shoeboxes.” Again there was silence over the comm system. Wufei could almost hear the man shrug. “Leave them. It’s not like they’re going anywhere. We’re trying to get Relena Peacecraft on the line now.” The men backed away some, a few of them sitting down, and Wufei was certain someone was rummaging through his refrigerator. This odd sort of stand-off seemed to be perfectly acceptable to his captors. Indeed, not much seemed to bother them at all. It was…disconcerting. Still, it was better than being dead. Seeing as everyone else was make themselves comfortable, Wufei slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor and pulled both children into his lap. He supposed he could try to take on the men, but that would likely only get him killed, and then the twins would be alone with these people. Relena would bring him back just so she could kill him again if he let something like that happen. So, there was only one thing for it. They would just have to wait.
Chapter 17 |
